Sunday, November 4, 2007

Breaking Up (With Your Therapist) Is Hard To Do

Here's the thing. I have been in therapy for a very long time. Okay, relatively long. Like three years. I can't even remember why I would have even started going back then since I had my dream job, a sexy boyfriend, had just dropped forty pounds and fit into my skinny jeans and had a Louis Vuitton bag that even though it was fake, looked very real. But I digress, two years ago, things GOT HAIRY as many of you know. All things mentioned above (except for the Louis Vuitton bag which could be yours for the low, low price of $50 dollars) went away. So I plucked down on the therapist's flowery couch and went to work. For two years. Sometimes one a week, sometimes twice. I talked and I talked and I talked and I talked. And now, I am done talking.

I'm kind of like the guy that lost interest months ago but has just been hanging around because I don't know how to get out. My last few sessions, I just acted like I had nothing to talk about and hoped that SHE WOULD INITIATE THE BREAK-UP. But nooooo. She's not having it. She is just that into me. Now I'm trying another classic GUY MOVE. I'm going to act really busy. It's just too impossible to get together. Hopefully she will become frustrated, disappointed by my lack of commitment and I can just fade away. Guys are so smart.

Why can't I be honest? I don't know. I would explore that in Thursday's session but unfortunately, I'm canceling tonight on voice mail when I know she won't be around to answer her phone.