Friday, September 24, 2010

Where I Will Now Lead My Life According To The Advice on A Beer Coaster

Over the years... I've gotten a lot of advice.  Of all of it, 3 things stick with me:  A boyfriend telling me I was too nice and available.  God that stung.  It stung up until the day when I realized it was totally and completely true and instead of being wounded by it, I could use it for my benefit.  To fight crime.  No, I'm kidding.  To not be a doormat.  

#2 When this awesome writer J gave advice about being a Hollywood writer (BUT I also APPLY this to LIFE and DATING:  "Never get bitter."  That is the death knell for anyone.  I meet a lot of bitter people out here, so angry for what they don't have that they can't see THEY HAVE EVERY THING.   Men and women friends who are still licking the wounds of past relationships.  (Is there someone you can't get over?  I am an expert in getting people over other people, so let me know in the comments section and I will DAZZLE you with my skills.)

#3 The other bit of advice came... maybe last Christmas.  I was sitting with my cousin M and sister E.  Matt lost his brother... that's the cousin I often refer to.  He also, a year later, lost his best friend.  However, the pulling himself up and dusting himself off, of embracing life and not dwelling in the past IMPRESSES ME of EPIC PROPORTIONS.  EPIC.

He is a great example to me.  After my cousin died he quit his save, cubicle job and said "F this, I'm going to live the life of my dreams."  Maybe he didn't exactly say that, I wasn't there.  I can only guess.

Then there's my sister who I love and I'm afraid of too.  In a funny way.  Because she has a "roar" like no one I have ever seen.  We went to see Cypress Hill (they were opening for the Foos and we wanted to be up front) at this outdoor fest and she saved me from being crushed.  I can just see me falling and about to be crushed and all of a sudden, instead of being 110 pounds, she's like The Hulk, reaching down and yanking me out of abyss.  

She does not take any shit.  She knows where she is going and she doesn't need to turn it over 5,000 different ways, I do.  Does anyone want to go to Thailand?  No?  She goes by herself.   She is NOT a people pleaser.  She will give you THE PEP TALK OF YOUR LIFE but it will contain a lot of profanity and if you don't listen to her very sound advice, she will, when you ask for another pep talk 6 months later, stare at you... through you... until you are running down the street ready to jump in front of oncoming traffic rather than face her wrath.

So these two, my cousin, my sister and I are drinking pitchers of Budweiser and by the time we get to the 6th one, I say:  "Do you guys have any advice for me?  Like your lives are awesome and I just wonder if looking at mine from the outside, maybe you have some advice.

They looked at each other.  They are very close.  I know what they're thinking.  "We could tell you, but we're having fun right now.  And you crying after we tell you everything you are doing wrong, is going to make this LESS of a good time."  

P.S. I read minds.

But I lured them into it.  "Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaase."  I knew they were sufficiently softened up by the 6th pitch of beer.  When my sister started stealing the glasses we were drinking out of, I knew to go in for the kill.  (My sister and I like to steal or get into general mischief making if we are drinking).

So there they were... rattling off advice so fast that I was like, "Wait, wait, I have to write it down!"  So I grabbed some beer coasters and I did just that.  When I got back to LA I stuffed them in my lingiere drawer and just found them.  When I found them, I was gasping and laughing at the same time.  

These coasters.  That night.  Had I lived up to any of it?


0)  (Yes, it starts with zero because later, they decided that there was something more import than 1)  "Money is gay."  My cousin said that.  I think he means, Money is "out" like caring about who is gay or not is "out".  I know, it's confusing.  But what he was trying to say is stop doing things for money and living in financial worry like a hostage instead of pursuing the life YOU WANT.

Score of how I'm doing this:  Hmmm... a 4 but I'm going to try harder.

1)  YOU HAVE TALENT and then in parentheses  it says "36 point font, all caps" - which is sweet, they said that not me.  They want me to believe that.

Score of how I'm doing this:  2... Man, I wish I found these coasters waaaaaaaaaaay before this

2) Stop living in the past.  Yes, they are aware that I relive too many of the nightmares, people in our family dying, getting sick.  But I think I'm doing better with this.  When I was out on that Jet Ski with 2nd best friend, I did this thing that I was too afraid to mention, lest I be thought of as utter