Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Do What I Say & Lose 5 Pounds Instantly!

Don't I sound like one of those bad commercials at 3:00am? So I've dipped back in my adventure bowl (where, PS, I added "pose for a nude-y photo" - don't blame me, you guys voted for it on Twitter!) and the last two weekend adventures have been awesome.

And not just 'cause I lost five pounds. Which I know is totally tied to being super extra happy after doing something that is unexpected, exciting and totally out of my comfort zone.

Every adventure that I put in the bowl has a reason. Like when, I got offered from a blogger to take a nude photo (and we're talking shadows and hands placed in VERY stratigic places), I put it in the bowl because I want to confront body issues and that seemed like a cool way to do so.

So let me cover the last 2 week adventures. The first was to crash a hotel pool. The reason for this one is I'm so much of a goody-goody it hurts but I knew crashing on Memorial Day at The Standard in downtown LA would be near impossible. I like challenges that are a little naughty too, do I grabbed my bathing suit, fake Louis Vuitton bag (which I'm convinced will get me in anywhere) and my computer.

Once I got down there, I could not believe the line, it was wrapped around the hotel. Shit, how was I going to get in there. I went through a side door that I saw an employee come through which happened to be DUH, another entrance. So there I was, in the luxury, air conditioned innards of the hotel while every one else waited in line. I think a lot of spray tans and hair gel was blocking people's ability to walk AROUND to the side entrance.

Okay, now I'm in, but their is a guard at the escalator. Fine, I researched this. I got this. I get on the elevator, go to the 12th floor where I know there is an elevator that takes guests right to the roof. Activate Louis Vuitton bag.

I press the button to go up. Then again. And again and again again again again again again again again AGAIN! Nothing. They shut off this elevator because of people like me. This does not deter me, it actually makes me waaaaay more determined. I find a fire door and climb the stairs. (Note to self: more cardio workouts).

I'm just outside the door and I can hear a guard's walkie-talkie crackling. Are you KIDDING me? Come on! I open the door. He tells me, I can't be up there. I say all I want to do is give my (fake made up) boss his computer bag. I wave my (fake) Louis Vuitton in front of him. "Go downstairs and get a wrist band."

And then he slams the door in my face.

Now, a vein is about to burst out of my neck! I'm getting in that frickin' pool. I go downstairs. Think, plan, pace. Then there he is.

Josh Molina. Do you know who that is? He was on "The West Wing" and my fav show of all time, "Sports Night." Anyhoo... he has just checked in with his wife and the staff is fawning all over him. I mean, the oozing, sickening super fake LA fawning. I get in the elevator with him and his wife. They get out, I go to the roof top.

God, I hope this works.

I go to a different security guard and before he can slam the door in my face, I tell him that I have to get my boss' computer to him right now. "My boss... Josh Molina." And then I'm in.


Never take no for an answer.

I canon balled the shit out of that pool and then I got the hell out of there. But I never felt so fierce in my life. Just like... I can do anything.

The other adventure pales in comparison so I don't want to ruin this new awesome memory buzz I'm having right now. Excited to see what this week end brings.

Please don't let it be nude photos!

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