Thursday, August 19, 2010

My Life In Hollywood
Where I Spend A Lot of Time Crawling on the Floor & Jumping Through Glass Windows

First, let me tell you this. Pep talks work. Did you read, "The MOST AWESOME Pep Talk of OUR LIVES?" Yeah, I did. Because I wrote it. And then, I did it. I gave myself the pep talk I wrote as I was driving to a Big Time Hollywood Fancy Type Meeting the other day

It went like this: "Girl, look at you. Your hair is looking fly today. I know your feeling nervous about a big meeting coming up because this is the company you WANT to be in business with but think about it like this: THEY SHOULD BE NERVOUS about you. You're going in there with something really great and if they don't like it, three companies already want to meet with you about it. Your worth is not measured by whether a project sells or not. And PS, pivot when you walk and know your talent is carved by diamonds. Sparkle out!"

And I was in the car, sweating through my outfit because it was so god damn hot and why does this air conditioner NOT work when I paid $700 for it to work and then it only worked for 2 months A YEAR AGO and I want to go back to the mechanic but I'm being pulled in 100 directions and god dammit it's hot and maybe if my hair wasn't like a sweater on my head (it is so, so much hair) I wouldn't be stroking out but it looks really cute when it's down so-- okay, okay, SHUT UP... focus FOCUS PEP TALK!

And I felt a little stupid but I kept thinking about this writer, he had all the success in the world except for dating so he started, ya know, poking around the inter webs for dates. Friends were making fun of him for online dating because he was a Big Time Hollywood Writer and I guess when you're a BTHW, women come to you via shipping containers and you just pick them up in you BTHW car down at the docks.

Sometimes, they are flown in by helicopter. They dangle from grappling hooks from said helicopter and are dispatched into your pool.

But he had grown tired of this or it was not working and so he said, regarding meeting someone online: "Things have gone way wronger when I’ve approached things more sensibly and conventionally."

And my mind was like, yeah, yeah. In my career I've been so nice and practical and sweet and not wanting to bother anyone or ask for a favor or rattle any cages. And when you kind of crawl on your belly with a project you worked really hard on and you look up at THEM, THEM WHO MAKE THE DECISIONS* while you're getting burn marks on your belly from the floor, you do not come from a place of power.

Nor do you instill ANY kind of confidence in them, when you are looking at them with needy, pleading eyes.

They need to know - you can do this. You can rock this out. You can write the shit outta this. Their hands will burn when they are reading the copy of the magnificence that you turn in.

So I worked my ass off on this one particular piece that I was bringing to the meeting. I really, really... it's like you get to a place where, you love it and you hope they love it. I gave myself that pep talk on the way over.

The point was in giving myself THE PEP TALK was, listen, they can not buy it for a host a reasons: they already have an idea like that, they already tried an idea like that, that idea is not exciting them - and that's cool. But you don't want it to be:

Executive to my Agent: "We really loved her idea. I mean... what we could make out of it. She started shaking two minutes in... yeah, then there was crying and she started dabbing her forehead sweat with the pitch and then she couldn't read her pitch because it was smeared with ink so she said she was going to print another copy of it and then I heard a loud noise and my assistant told me she crashed a chair through the window, dove out and hooped into her car and squealed away. So... we're going to pass on the idea. (long beat) And she should really pay for that window."

So, I don't know the answer, but because of my pep talk I don't have to worry that I would be the cause of my own failure. If the project doesn't go, I don't think it will have anything to do with me. I showed passion and preparation and for that, I am proud. I've come a long way.

Not only that. But the executive whom I met with gave me this awesome feedback. I'm going to talk about that in a little bit. Right now, I have to marvel at the me who is the changing me.

*Me being fully aware that THEM is not grammatical and not giving a shizzz

If you love this, please post on your Facebook or Twitter. I am really high on Pep Talks and wish that people would recognize they are as important as flu shots and sensible shoes.