Monday, December 17, 2007

The Healing Power Of Cheese Bagels & How to Know When It's Been A While Since You Got "Some"

I am sick. I would say "sick as a dog" but I don't know what that means. My symptoms are sneezing as if I were allergic to everything, coughing as if I had a two pack a day habit, a lack of energy (which, strangely, isn't so different than any other day) and an overall "BLAH" feeling.

One symptom I don't seem to have is a lack of appetite. So since soup isn't really a breakfast food and I would certainly feel foolish eating a food for breakfast that WAS NOT a breakfast food and since I'm quite sure there is a saying, "FEED A COLD, STARVE THE NEIGHBOR WHO LET'S HIS DOG POOP ON YOUR LAWN AND DOESN'T PICK IT UP," the only remedy I could see for BIG COLD, BIGGER APPETITE WAS:

Eat a cheese bagel.

It was delicious. I'm already feeling better in fact. I've stopped sweating and my hair is shinier, so I'm thinking I should call the American Medical Journal and report on the healing powers of cheese bagels.


We are all clear on what "SOME" means, right? If you don't know, PLEASE CALL A FRIEND, one that won't laugh at you. Anywhoo, I'm at a place where there is a sign demonstrating what to do if someone should need CPR (strangely, there was NOT a picture of someone running away, as I have done the last two times someone started choking in front of me.)

What catches my eye on the poster, is A MAN prying a WOMAN'S MOUTH open with his fingers in a manly and authoritative way, and I become BOTH JEALOUS AND AROUSED. (But mostly, jealous... and aroused.)

And that my friend, is how you know it's been a while since you got some.