Monday, July 26, 2010

Let's Talk About Sex!

Okay, we're not talking about sex, I just thought that would be an awesome title. I'm also feeling an incredible amount of horniness staying at my parents where there is no prospects of making out with anyone.

But don't run away just yet. I NEEEEEEEED YOU. I have some things to fill you in on and a few important questions for you.

So you're wondering why the Adventure Bowl "Let's Go Jet Skiing" post is down from this morning. And you're wondering, what happened with the nose ring I was debating getting before this trip and also, what the hell happened with my cousin's boyfriend after I so drunkenly tried to put the kabosh on their relationship two months ago, only to guiltily find out he broke up with her two weeks later because of what I said, BUT then was reuniting with her at my Aunt & Uncle's house for the weekend. This weekend.

The same weekend I was staying at their house. With my cousin who's only wish in life is to get married before 30 to someone who "looks good on paper." And she had no idea what I had (drunkenly) done. What would he do when he saw me? Would he tell her? Would her parents, WAY TOO invested in this relationship, kill me in my sleep?

First up, nose ring. The nose ring is something that on the right girl and done in a teeny tiny way, I think is sexy. It's something that's also kind of rebellious and I like rebellion. Mostly because I am so freakin' good. I mean, I used to be bad. I was bad until I was 17, then I turned good. Good can be boring. I'm bored of being boring.

But when I picked "Get a Nose Ring" from the Adventure Bowl, I was leery because I was on my way home to where my parents live and I knew they would stroke out if they saw me with a hole in my face. But on the other hand, it would be a symbolic gesture of... this is my life. They seem to be having some trouble grasping that. And that I want other things than them/dreams than them/life goals than them. And that my ideas of success are so separate from theirs.

So, the nose ring, was a go. I had to do it. I will say, reading your comments, I was blown away because you were all so compassionate in your answers to the question: "Should I or shouldn't I?" I thought it would be 100% "DO IT!" But it was really more like, and I am paraphrasing here: "The spirit of the adventure bowl is to make your life better, it's too move your forward and open you up. If getting the nose ring is going to be a big negative in your life because you are fighting with your Mom or so nervous about her reaction - what's the point?"



I still felt the need, like, to hold up the adventure bowl as I set it up - no excuses, no backing out. But then I got the call,, "Bring home your funeral pants." My great uncle is very, very sick. One of my best friends is his hospice worker, so I knew from her, it was pretty bad. He's 84 and has lived an incredible, amazing, good person life.

But I will not and would not go to his funeral with a nose ring. No discussion. So that adventure went back in the bowl.

Now, as for the whole outcome of my cousin's boyfriend's visit, here is the comment I left in the "I'm Predicting One of The Most Uncomfortable Nights of My Life Will Be Happening Tonight," along with some added flair:

"I was able to avoid my cousin's boyfriend for 36 hours - like a stealth ninja. But I did run into him this morning.

I was coming up the stairs and there he is with my cousin, looking at him all adoring, with my aunt and uncle, also looking at him adoringly, like the son-in-law they soon hope he'll be. My stomach was spazming, our eyes locked. "Get it together," I thought just as my aunt said, "K, you remember J?"

Oh, I remember him. I remember telling him if he had no intention of getting serious with my cousin to get the hell away from her. (5 Martinis) I pulled my shit together, slapped on an innocent smile and said... "Well, hardly... I was SO DRUNK THAT NIGHT I BARELY REMEMBER A THING. So... so drunk... almost needed to be hospitalized. Like ten martinis and someone might have slipped me a roofie. Yes, the date rape drug. I think I ingested the date rape drug. So, no, don't remember you, this is, like, the first time we met. What was your name again?"

Annnnnnnnnnnnnd, then we shook hands like we never met.

I know, I'm patting myself on the back right now.

Third piece of business: Why am I not going Jet Skiing today? It was picked from the Adventure Bowl this morning, bathing suits were donned and sun screen was slathered on. So what the hell?

Because I realized the only thing better than doing an adventure to shake up your life, get you out of a rut, the damn monotiny of every day - IS TO TAKE SOME ONE WHO IS ALSO FEELING THAT WAY - WITH YOU.

Yes, that's right, I'm dragging "2nd best friend" with me. (I call her that to make her work harder to win the "first best friend" title). Life has been cruel to her of late. Let me run down the roster of the shit storm that has been her life -- wait, technically it's only one thing - lack of money. But you know how that branches off? She and her hot man were sure they would lose their house. They missed 2 mortgage payments after their ARM bank loan readjusted. Her work hours were cut back. The stress made her so sick she had to go to the hospital (she was fainting & feeling nauseous) AND to make things worse, since she has a $3,000 deductible, she had to pay for the whole visit out of pocket.

Just adding more stress sauce into the stress pot that was her life.

So I invited her. But she works CONSTANTLY. But she's getting Wednesday morning off to go Jet Skiing. And when I told her, her voice sounded so excited, I pictured her as the sixteen year old, when I first met her and we did very bad, mischeivious, spontaneous things together. We once laughed so hard after being particularly bad girls that B laughed so hard, she collapsed on the kitchen floor...

And then she peed on it. Peed from laughter! When is the last time you peed from laughter? Right? Life needs to be that fun again. I need it and she needs it and that's why we are waiting until Wednesday to Jet Ski.

So I will post all fun that will be had on Wednesday. But I'm curious... What adventure do you want to do? What adventure would be symbolic of getting back to that fun, carefree sixteen year old? But more importantly, what I am really curious about is: What holds you back? You can answer anonymously if you want. Is it kids? Being overworked? Too settled? Have you forgotten the things you like or the person you were (I've been through all of this except, the kids part, I don't have those - so there's no judging.) I'm just curious.

If you fee this post might inspire someone, feel free to Twitter it or post it on your Facebook. Now go into the comments and answer my nosey questions!