Tuesday, November 30, 2010
I needed a little nudge from one of our readers, Stephanie who asked, "Why can't we come along with you on one of your adventures?" When I dreamed up the Adventure Bowl, I could have never IMAGINED I would get such incredible feedback and people would respond so positively as I dared myself to do one spontaneous, fun, daring and OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE adventure a week as a way to "get back to my old self" after I life had taken some hard and unexpected turns.
But it always seems to be the blog post you all respond to and love the most. The reason I have not wanted to ask readers to join me before this was 2 fold: One, it takes A LOT of time to write the blog and respond to people's comments and when you see I have not posted in a while it's because I am secretly in despair that I owe so many sweet commenters comments back on their blogs. Two, I didn't know how to do it and DO IT PERFECTLY.
Now that I'm growing up (LOL) I am backing off the idea of PERFECTION in a big way. I'm going easy on myself. This may work, it may not work. Let's just try it and be imperfect together!
But to address those 2 fold concerns - 1) I want everyone to know, I ALWAYS, ALWAYS read your comments, I love them and I feel like they push me on. Especially when I lost my great uncle this year, when I found out my cousin had brain cancer, even as I nervously needed a nudge to do the Adventure, "Ask A Boy Out on A Date."
But I would LOVE, LOVE you to also join us on Facebook where it is easier for me to interact with other readers/adventurers/dear friends. So yes, keep commenting! I love it. But in order to undertake this new phase, please join us for discussion and fun on Facebook, too!
Also, I will only post on the blog announcing the Adventure and then following up with Updates on how it is going. I think if there is less to write, there will be more time for living and adventure and I won't feel like I am overwhelmed. (I hope you understand :)
I will always post when a new blog post is up on Facebook and Twitter (link to come soon!).
BUT NOW FOR THE FUN PART:
YOU are invited to JOIN ME ON MY ADVENTURES! And here's how:
Every week I will pull and Adventure. For instance, before Thanksgiving, I pulled, "Ask a Boy Out on A Date." Now, every one of you can't neccesarily do that adventure... your boyfriend or husband might be offended. LOL! But, I did, on Facebook challenge everyone to "come" on the adventure with me.
Here's what I wrote: "SINGLE LADIES: Ask a guy out today :) You can do it! NON-SINGLES: Do something you thought you'd never do, that makes you nervous but YOU KNOW is ultimately rewarding ;)"
So, from now on, when I pick an Adventure, I will challenge you to do something very close to my adventure or IN THE SPIRIT of my Adventure.
In six months OR LESS :) hopefully, we will graduate to everyone having their own Adventure Bowls.
The MOST IMPORTANT part of this is to know it really does CHANGE your life. And I am hoping that by you participating and posting ideas/thoughts/feedback on Facebook, you will change others lives.
Who's game? ;)
Because I just pulled: "Join a Meet-up" this morning! I DARE YOU!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
You're kidding me, right? I CAN'T do that. I'm shy... I'm not good with rejection... I need a week not a DAY to do this.
Ugh... okay, okay... here I go. (Wait... where do I go? LOL)
(UPDATES COMING... Humiliation, too, I'm sure :)
UPDATE: FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 19
I did it!!! Okay, here's how it ALL went down. I went to the gym, the hardware store and this really busy restaurant for lunch where I know all the guys (and girls) in the neighborhood go for lunch. Nothing. I mean, yes, boys a plenty in most cases just no opportunity-- okay, maybe there was and I was just - I am so out of practice.
If you're out of practice, the hardware store is a great place to go P.S. (like a Home Depot) but all these stores in NYC are little with skinny aisles and after asking one of two guys there opinion on wood glue the opener said to me, "I told you five times which one to buy!"
Uh. Embarrassing. And I wish I could have grabbed him by the collar and said, "Listen! I am on an adventure and I HAVE TO ASK A GUY ON A DATE BY TONIGHT! Guys come here! Stop ruining it! Let me ask whoever I want about this damn wood glue!"
Instead I just bought the wood glue and left.
I don't have any wood to glue, either.
Now it's 6pm. I know I can take the easy way out. Go to the bar, have a few drinks... ask someone out. Only, I don't want to be that desperate girl in the bar and I DON'T want liquid courage to do this adventure.
I take an ad out on Craigslist. yeah, that's right, I did.
I'm going to post it late here in another UPDATE and then let you know how my VERY AWESOME DATE went LAST NIGHT!
UPDATE NOVEMBER 23
So, that's right, I asked a guy... or many guys for that matter, OUT ON CRAIGSLIST. LOL. I took out an ad in the personal section that went a little like this:
Hi, I am looking for a fun, upbeat, spontaneous guy to ask out on a date. I challenged myself to ask a guy out today and let's just say, the plan went south. I am new to NYC and think it would be fun to hang out and have a drink with someone who feels like taking a chance on someone he's never met before. A little about me - funny or so I'm told, 5'5, wavy (crazy) hair, loves to read, explore the city and try new things. If a date with me sounds like something you might be interested, send me your picture (no penises please! I already know what one looks like) and tell me a bit about yourself! I will do the same. Best, K
And then, there he was, maybe an hour later. Cute... in the way I find guys cute... tall, mop tops, that kind of "I look like I rolled out of bed but it's really that I've been so busy being up to something else" look that I like... a little offbeat... jeans and t-shirt guy. Dark hair, curly wavy and blue eyes. Swoon.
There was something about his face that was kind... that told me he probably wouldn't stuff me in a suitcase and put me in the Hudson. We did the email dance for quite a bit and then we met at a bar/restaurant near me. Laughed a lot. Drank a little more to ease the nerves. Split a burger (cute) and just had really fun, sweet conversation.
I was kind of beaming ear to ear in that way you really shouldn't on a first date. It was just, I could not believe that not only had I done the ADVENTURE but it had turned out THIS GOOD.
That's the point of all this - to DO SOMETHING YOU THINK YOU CANNOT DO and then see, it's REALLY not that hard. And then wonder, "What else have I been putting off that I thought I couldn't do? Maybe now I can do that, too!"
Yes, there was kissing. It was nice. He is so sweet. We've been out a few more times. We'll see what happens but for now... I can't believe this is my life :) That the girl who once couldn't get out of bed now is doing so many things to make sure she never gets back in there.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
They were painting my apartment and I was staying at a friend's. She had one rule: "DO NOT GO THROUGH MY DRAWERS!" Okay, easy enough... I'm not a snoop... I mean, unless I like you, then you should not leave me alone in your apartment. But that's a given, right? ;)
So one day, I am working on my computer and I need to write directions down. I open the bedside table instinctually. That's where I (LAME PERSON OF THE UNIVERSE) keep my pens. Instead, there are drawer full of condoms. And not just one brand... like LOTS OF BRANDS. Like, does this girl work for a condom company????
And a note resting on them: "Get your own." Get your own. What? Do I need my own? Is this something I am supposed to be "outfitted with?" Get your own. Pots, pans, toothbrush, body scrub, CONDOMS!!!!
Curse me for being naive. Curse me for only, mostly, okay, all the time, sleeping with guys I really, really liked so there was some kind of discussion of sex and protection and even the one time, I was with someone and we decided before the date where I really thought it would happen, like ten dates and not eight, we had the most fun, red in our cheeks, racing through the aisles of Rite Aide to get what we needed.
And we giggled like kids, like kids who knew and liked each other and the night felt earned and it didn't have to mean love but it was fun for it to be unexpected and not PLANNED on. Not saying, "No, it's cool, my Brinks truck of condoms already made it's delivery - down a chute and into my bedside table."
NOT THAT I'M JUDGING. I am not.
I went on a date the other night. A first date. It was awesome. It was awesome in that, after having 2 weeks of NY men tell me I'm attractive or beautiful or cute, I showed up with no make-up and little care to how my hair looked. (His idea for a last minute date). But still on my mind is: am I supposed to be prepared if SOMETHING (le sex) is going to happen? What does that say about me?
I told a guy friend about the condom drawer, he nodded knowingly and said, "Ah, New York girls." Oh, so this was normal. For New York girls. I'm a New York girl. Should I be THAT girl?
I have never bought condoms in my life. Weirdly, proud of that fact. It's not something (le sex) that I thought I had to be prepared for - it never has just "sprung" out at me. It's not like having an earthquake kit... there's time, right? But there I was.
In the Rite Aid "condom" aisle. They were buy 1, get one 1/2 off. The bargain shopper in me was whispering in my ear: "You can't get a deal like this! Buy... stock up! It's mix and match! It's ribbed for your pleasure!"
And I just stood there. Lubricant? I don't think I need that. Fire & Ice... that seems like it would hurt, right? Are they for older people? Like "Icy Hot?" Ribbed. Really? Now I could see the pharmacists staring at me. This is so embarrassing.
I don't even know if I have my Rite Aid card with me.
What if they are like, going to make me pay full price but I don't want to pay full price because I DON'T EVEN WANT THESE THINGS IN MY DRAWER anyway. And then I leave and they all talk about me. "Too cheap to pay full price for her condoms." "Sure ran out of here with that Kit Kat real fast."
And then I'm hit by a car and on my gravestone it reads, "Too cheap to pay for full price condoms." And my mother is crying and wearing that Jackie O. style grieving lace over her Jackie O. pill box hat but it's not because she's sad that I am dead it's because she's ASHAMED to have a daughter that buys her own condoms. Why else would she hide her face, right?
I leave Rite Aid. THIS IS NOT ME. I mean, I want to be new and different and I want to be a NEW YORK girl but I am not QUITE ready to be that New York girl. I have a date this Wednesday and Thursday. That is already so "new me" that I don't need to be any other kind of "new" right now.
Any ladies been there? In the aisle? Packs in hand? LOL, I want to hear :)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I will write what I did. It's pretty exciting. It's not ONLY exciting, but it is something ANYONE could do. But I want to tell you the whole story and the whole story is long and the whole story being long, is what often keeps me from putting my butt in a chair and writing about it. And I miss you guys!
So just give me a few days. Yes, I have said that before. But I am hoping once I move this blog over to TUMBLR which supports a format with lots of pictures, videos and short essays, I will be able to keep you up so much easier. I promise.
Keeping up with you all is so important to me. Do not take my absence as anything else but being crazed :) It's taken me YEARS to get to this good place - emotionally and physically - to a place of not being scared and immobile all the time and I want you guys and gals to feel the rewards. Maybe see (as I'm seeing), CHANGE is not so hard. The biggest roadblock is mental - the games we play in our head, the jibber jabbering we do to talk us out of our loves, dreams, aspirations.
But I don't want to make this post heavy, what I've most wanted to say is just how much fun I'm having in New York. Okay, so let me tell you about my time in here (all three weeks of it!):
1) Eating way too many bagels! Why do they have to make them sooooo good? I like an Everything with scallion cream cheese and the bagel is sprinkled with a salt-like-substance that I am sure is CRACK! "Bagel World," that's my fav. Then "Smooch" for coffee. Then realizing I will be broke with a huge bagel butt if I keep this up too much longer.
2) The first 2 weeks I lived in a twin bunk bed - top bunk! You can have no shame nor be a diva when you are starting your life over! It made me think of college because I was living with a couple - which meant leaving a lot so they could have "alone time," wink, wink - sex ;)
3) Exploring. Within a week I was known for my legendary 6 hour walks. (The blisters were THE GROSSEST things I had ever seen - like some "Discovery Channel - Medical Abnormalities!" craziness). I would put every thing (hat, sweaters, umbrella, snack) in a back pack and just roam. Now a lot of this was apartment hunting mixed in with personal stubbornness of not wanting to ask for directions. But I love it! Walking is the best. Seeing everything seems so new.
4) Kissed a boy a week and 2 days in
5) First week, gallery openings, wine tasting, a party at a vinyl records store, Happy Hour drinks with people I've never met before. Who am I?
6) Grateful feelings that now that I am not fighting so hard (as I was in LA) to make things work MY WAY, that doors are opening here, people are coming into my life, like literally, in the strangest ways. My two new roomies (until I end up in my place Nov. 6) are like best friends; I randomly met someone - she had a loft to rent to me $300 under market value a month; I was lost in Brooklyn, I met a guy who said he was a web site designer - wait, that's exactly what I needed for my new venture! Hanging out in the lobby of my building so my roomies could spend some time... meet some Pratt (design) students who also want to help me with my new venture. Who's life is this? (Hmmm.... no regrets, but maybe I should have "let go" sooner.)
7) Went on a date with an absolute hottie. I'm going through an identity crisis here. In L.A. I never got asked out. But then again, I don't walk past 200 people a day like you do in NYC. Men here tell you you are "pretty" or "gorgeous." It throws me. Trying to believe it.
8) The crunch of the beautiful fall leaves. Sorry beautiful leaves... I took your bright yellow, golden and orange for granted when I used to live here as a girl. I love your smell. The sound of you beneath my feet. I feel like I am home.
Yesterday was the five year anniversary of my cousin's murder. I started this blog two years after his death when I was so thoroughly depressed that I didn't think I would EVER get out of. I felt lost inside. I felt so sad that I felt cloaked in it as if... it was-- that there was no where out.
I challenged myself - one Adventure a week to get my life back. I did that before his 2nd anniversary - the idea was to respect his memory but living the life he would want me to live. And now, it strikes me PROFOUNDLY that I would make this NEW DARING exciting, life fulfilling dream move before meeting his anniversary again.
I hope you can see me up there, D. I feel you down here, by my side... walking down the cobble stone streets and stomping through the leaves with me. Thank you for helping me look in... to listen, to hear and to act, no matter how scary it felt sometime.