Monday, December 10, 2007

I Am Both Things

Sometimes, I close my eyes and I imagine someone trying to EXPLAIN THIS BLOG to a friend and I imagine them say, "It's this girl and she talks about her big butt and how she wishes she could excercise more, lose weight and be attractive to every man she meets, especially THE CUTE ONES who still have THEIR OWN HAIR. Especially if it could be in front of her Old Bad Boyfriend who she swears she doesn't want to get back together with but if he could be so INSANELY JEALOUS of her new SMALL BUTT being cupped by a new attractive guy who most likely resembles David Beckham IN BOY SHORTS, that he (OBB) would spurt beer out of his nose in a fit of JEALOUS RAGE, I think she'd be okay with that, too.

Oh, and then she sometimes talks about her dead cousin and how her mother went crazy." This someone's voice would trail off as if they were trying to figure how how the two parts of my life go together. "Yeah... it's weird."

It is weird. But, I am both things.

I am the girl who likes pink and glittery eyeshadow especially with gloss (only if you are doing a subtle cheek). I like fake furs on a cold day with a Vogue and a Vanity Fair tucked in close on my way to a pedicure. I like gossiping about co-workers, dreaming about boys, praying that my ass will be smaller when I wake up in the morning and taping pictures of skinny girls in bikinis on my bath room mirror (in a non-lesbian way) as motivation to eat all the vegetables on my plate.

I am also my cousin's murder and my mother's nervous breakdown. I am the girl who can't sleep. I am the girl with nightmares and unexpected crying jags, who hurts and is afraid to get hurt, who wants to love but sees no point in it, who, at one time, (but not anymore) mixed prescription medication with lots of wine in order to only have to lay in bed for .5 seconds before sleep would come because THERE IS NO WAY I CAN BE AWAKE WITH ALL THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD ALONE IN THE DARK.

I am both things. If I could save you from it, I would. I would type BAD THINGS in black and GOOD THINGS in pink. But I can't save myself from it, I can just... well, I don't know, I'm still figuring out that last part. So bear with me, I'll get there. I will get there... to a day it's all in pink.

Look What I Can Do !!!!

So I finally figured out how to work it so if you guys want, you can email a post to a friend. Just click on that little envelope at the end of a post.

You should do this if you want to: Make someone else laugh, MAKE SOMEONE FEEL BETTER ABOUT not going to the gym, eating those dozen Christmas cookies, not having a sex prospect (yet) for '08, hating their boss, having back fat& a muffin top, having a crazy family, missing their Bad Old Boyfriend or getting drunk and doing something embarrassing. BECAUSE I HAVE/DO ALL THAT AND MORE!