Friday, November 16, 2007

I Love Your Lady-Man Mustache & Letters I Never Sent

Dear Mom,
I just wanted to let you know I've gained about 10 pounds since I last saw you and I would really appreciate if you wouldn't bring it up. Yes, I know how delicious "I Can Believe It's Not Butter" spray is but no, I don't want sprayed on my tongue instead of a Christmas cookie. That's disgusting. If you could, say, also refrain from buying me a maternity top from Target this Christmas because "Oh, I just thought that was your size, I swear I didn't know." No ones buying it. Not even Dad. I'll lose the weight, I've done it before. And if you decide to ask me how or when I plan to do it, I will say, "When you stop going crazy and relatives stop dying. Then I would love to sit down with you and hear all about how good "I Can Believe It's Not Butter" spray really tastes like the real thing."

Love, Me

Dear R,
You are one of my best friends, yet I can't seem to tell you to your face that you have a serious case of MAN MUSTACHE. I thought it would be less awkward if I just wrote it here. It's not like it's a BIG BIG DEAL, it's just then whenever we're together, I can't really concentrate on anything else but... IT... staring at me. Personally, I like waxing but there's also bleaching or tweezing, too!

Love, Me

Dear Cooper (my dog),
I'm sorry I accidently kicked you last night in bed. But you ate three of my library books today so I think we're even.

Love, Me

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i have so many of these letters.

you knowwhat i ask myself when i'm in a relationship? What are the secret letters to this person that i hold in the back of my mind and don't send them? what are the secret moments of tenderness i don't share? what are the secret questions i'm too afraid to ask?

You know what i noticed? THe harder it is to share those secrets with someone, the sooner i know its not gonna work. crazy eh? and the bigger the list of quesitons i'm to afraid to ask them, same deal. SOmetimes i sit myself down and force myself to be quiet and grab a pen and say, dude. what are your moments with this person. what are your questions?

and then the answer shows up right in fron to of me.
now, it usually takes weeks to months for me tobelieve it (stubborn), but boy. does it ever get me to see the truth of the relationship i'm in at that time.

anyhow. :) i love, love stumbling across your old posts. and, about the weight thing- my athletic fabulous 26 in waist run 15 km a day competed in 2 olympics mom does that to me too. she doesn't mean it, i love her. but yah. it sucks. in fact i feel so bad about posting this i'm going to change my sign in name even though i know my mom s totally computer illiterate and has no concept of "Google".
yup. that scared of hurting her feelings.
-your italian foodie bud :)