There seems to be a lil' confusion about my last post, I wanted to clear some things up. When I post with the title: "How It All Began" I am going back two years ago to when my cousin died and that's when I feel all my depression began. (At some point, I'll put that on the front page, I can see how it would be confusing.)
As for the Prozac stuff, thank you for all your concern. The best book I ever read about anti-depressants was called "Prozac Backlash." It's from a Harvard doctor who in essence says anti-depressants are good, but only for short amounts of time and ONLY COMBINED with therapy, which I firmly believe. (Why just dull the pain but never get in out of your system?)
Which brings me to my next point, yeah, I broke up with my therapist but I still want to be in therapy. I'M A COMPLICATED GIRL, Y'ALL. I've been through some stuff. Why I broke up with her is I felt the lack of being challenged anymore and she would never PUSH ME to talk about my cousin's death even though week after week, I CAME IN THERE LOOKING LIKE A BIG SAD, FATTIE who obviously was deeply sad and troubled.
So I decided to challenge myself. What if I wrote about that time? What if I exorcised those demons on my own? What if I stopped keeping everything on the inside? What if I stopped pretending it didn't happen? What if I pushed myself to do new things out of my comfort zone? What if I SAID YES TO EVERYTHING instead of NO? What if I got out of BED?
It seems to be working, though when my insurance benefits kick back in, on January 1, I hope I will find someone new to help me with the journey.
Other things you might want to know, sometimes I feel bad if I blog about sad stuff so I will then blog about something ridiculous. Sometimes I am blogging without pants. Sometimes I blog from the library and there is a man on the next computer wearing no pants.
4 comments:
Girlfriend, I totally feel your pain. Speaking as formerly depressed (most of the time) prozac, ambien, down with some wine, popper myself....therapy is whatever/whoever works for YOU. If you didn't feel like you were moving forward with your therapist then you made the right decision for you.
Your writing rocks. Your therapy is becoming my therapy, so keep up the good work (keeping me off drugs! ha ha)
yes, i'm hooked to this blog like no other.
i just picked up a great book called "This Year I Will..." by MJ Ryan. Self-Help books tend to be very similar, but I liked this one from the start. And it's already defined something for me in my life in that I am basically "sleepwalking" through life a lot of the time. It's not that I don't get out of bed - I go to work, I go out with friends, I LOVE life, but I am not living or loving it to the best of my ability. This book has helped me take the first steps to fulfilling some of my dreams (getting to my goal weight and pursuing the career that I really want), and I'm only on page 30! Time to live life to the fullest and to wake up!
so speaking of weight loss (or lack there of), a cute guy came into work this morning. he was chatting with different people around my desk, and here's where my dilemma comes in. right before he came in I was given a bag of chocolate chip cookies for the holidays. i've never been so torn! should i open the bag and start eating the cookies for breakfast right in front of him? or should i have some semblance of will power and wait until he leaves? oh wait...okay he's gone! mmmmmmm, cookies. I have a problem!
RadoMom and Em,
You're compliments rock my world. I'm going to check out that book, too.
CookieMonster,
Always eat cookies in front of boys. I've tried the delicate waif bit, picking at my salad with no dressing and NO GUY IS BUYING IT! (Not with this butt). So I say, always BE WHO YOU ARE. (But like, offer the guy a damn cookie.)
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