Monday, December 17, 2007

The Healing Power Of Cheese Bagels & How to Know When It's Been A While Since You Got "Some"

I am sick. I would say "sick as a dog" but I don't know what that means. My symptoms are sneezing as if I were allergic to everything, coughing as if I had a two pack a day habit, a lack of energy (which, strangely, isn't so different than any other day) and an overall "BLAH" feeling.

One symptom I don't seem to have is a lack of appetite. So since soup isn't really a breakfast food and I would certainly feel foolish eating a food for breakfast that WAS NOT a breakfast food and since I'm quite sure there is a saying, "FEED A COLD, STARVE THE NEIGHBOR WHO LET'S HIS DOG POOP ON YOUR LAWN AND DOESN'T PICK IT UP," the only remedy I could see for BIG COLD, BIGGER APPETITE WAS:

Eat a cheese bagel.

It was delicious. I'm already feeling better in fact. I've stopped sweating and my hair is shinier, so I'm thinking I should call the American Medical Journal and report on the healing powers of cheese bagels.

HOW TO KNOW IF IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE YOU GOT "SOME"

We are all clear on what "SOME" means, right? If you don't know, PLEASE CALL A FRIEND, one that won't laugh at you. Anywhoo, I'm at a place where there is a sign demonstrating what to do if someone should need CPR (strangely, there was NOT a picture of someone running away, as I have done the last two times someone started choking in front of me.)

What catches my eye on the poster, is A MAN prying a WOMAN'S MOUTH open with his fingers in a manly and authoritative way, and I become BOTH JEALOUS AND AROUSED. (But mostly, jealous... and aroused.)

And that my friend, is how you know it's been a while since you got some.
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3 comments:

AB said...

hey :)
just wanted to say that I just started reading your blog and it's awesome! I have been going through some similar stuff (although completely different) and it's so nice to see someone else who is dealing with their crap in a constructive way. I am fighting off depression as best I can, but it can be TOUGH. Anyways, nice to hear your tales! I'll be reading...

Anonymous said...

Have you ever had an asiago cheese bagel from Panera?!? OMG...They are addicting (and of course FULL of fat, fat and more fat...plus some carbs). They used to be my "treat" when I worked on shows and actually got out at a normal hour of the day because the closest one to me was 45 minutes away. A big thanks to franchising, and I find myself with a Panera 5 minutes from my house and almost no self-control. LOL

If you haven't had one already, I do not suggest trying them....they are evil.

I hope you feel better and have a wonderful week!

adventure grrl said...

AB,
Thanks for the awesome compliments. I've been where you've been, and I'm thinking about you and hoping things get better.

Anonymous,
Mmmmmm, cheesey asiago bagle from Panera... how could you tell me about that?! I must now immediately mapquest every Panera in a fifty mile distance! Ack! :)