Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I Paid A Man To Put His Hands All Over My Body!

Life is going at 2,000 miles an hour and I am along for the ride. I love working hard so there are no complaints there. But... when I'm stressed, I feel every muscle seize up in my body and it becomes impossible for me to sleep.

So I have this big meeting tomorrow and I have combination Stress-ful-itis combined with Flop-Sweat-ophagus and I know the only thing that will help is wine and a wheel barrel of pharmaceuticals. But really is that the answer? (Yes, yes! It's TOTALLY the answer.)

No, no, I am past that. Life is about hard work, hard fun and hard self-care. I have been so lacking on that last part. You all know I have not been eating right or really exercising. Well, I got a really big wake-up call going to the doctor. She told me my blood pressure was through the roof. Even when we think we're having fun, we can be a medical mess.

So today they call me. My doctor has set aside an ambulatory blood pressure cuff (AMBULATORY!) for me to borrow for two weeks, all I have to do is bring a credit card, donate my only kidney and sign away my first born. How can this be happening to me? I'M YOUNG, YO!

Just by invoking the "Yo!" you should know, I am very young.

But here I am, stressed to the max with old man who smokes-three-packs-a-day-and-eats-triple-fried-ham-sandwiches problems.

So today, knowing I have a big meeting tomorrow, I pay a man to put his hands all over my body. Technically, it's called a massage or as I like to refer to it, the last bastion of male prostitution. Yum! And I love paying for it, 'cause then I don't feel bad about three weeks of leg hair growth.

I feel so amazing and I want you to, too. Can't afford it? I bet you can. Have a change bowl? I want cha to make one. Start adding. Can you do a dollar a day? Too steep? Okay, how about 50 cents a day? In four months you'll have enough. I know it seems like a long time, but technically for something you've NEVER done, it's not a lot of time.

I could go on and on about how amazing, relaxing, replenishing this one hour will be. Are you a work-a-holic? A Mommy-a-holic? A worry-a-holic? Even better. This massage is going to give you back so much energy that you can get back to all THAT double time.

Yeah, I want to hear about how you're all busting out Adventure Bowls. But I can see how that is a new concept and might take some time to adopt. But taking care of yourself, you should NEVER need someone to talk you into that.

'Cause that's love. So LOVE yourself.

This blog is dedicated to hairy legs.


RadoMom said...

You talked me into it. I'm getting a massage within the next week =) Lately I've been all three of the work-a-holic, mommy-a-holic, and worry-a-holic. (Not to mention a mild alcoholic!) I'm down with an alternative to relax!

JessaPoppy said...

Ooooo!!! You talked me into it, too!

Obsessedwithlife said...

agreed. I love massages...I get them almost monthly and now am hooked on foot massages too (never thought I'd say that-I used to hate to have my feet touched!). It's worth trying a foot massage sometime too-it relaxes your entire body and puts you to sleep!

Surfergrrl said...

I love massages. You can get a really good massage at the massage place for around 40 bucks. not too bad! it's funny because probably even telling you your BP is high is going to make you worry and that does nothing helpful for your BP. ugh!

TwinkleTwinkle said...

i would LOVE to get a massage... and im nice and soft so the masseuse wont hurt his/her hands :P

AND i have horribly hairy legs!! whoo!

Anonymous said...

i looooooove massages! and i loooooooooove your blog! notice, more o's. please keep inspiring me.

anji said...

I've had crazy high bloodpressure too since Christmas. It's finally starting to go down again, which is good...

Did your doc give you any meds for it? Or just the cuff?

Two Date Diva said...

A massage sounds like a great idea! Do they have one for slacker-a-holics? 'Cause that would best describe me. I work hard at my slacker ways, I should reward myself for all of my non-effort. Right?

adventure grrl said...

Go RadoMom! I know you deserve it. You just have to take a lil' money out of your martini fund each week!

yay JessaPoppy!

ObsessedwithLife - good to know about the benefits of foot massage - when money runs low, I'm going to find a foot fetish freak to do my tootsies for FREE!

Alright Surfergrrl! I'm actually in complete denial about my blood pressure (she said as she puts salt on her salad and frets about her mtgs this week).

Twinkletwinkle - thanks for making not feel so bad about my leg hair. I think I'm going to French Braid it today, you know, so I can be stylish for summer.

Anonymous, I think I love you. Thank you the compliment. ;)

Anji - OMG, good to hear I'm not alone. No meds yet. No meds at all! I refuse... I ean, I'll want to refuse. This is a BIG WAKE UP CALL. I'll keep you posted.

Two Date Diva - you are so not a slacker. Okay, I'm going to check your blog 'cause I'm so not believing you are slacking!

the glitter kid said...

this post made me want to get a massage asap! I don't even like massages! I'll have to put it in my adventure bowl :)

Anonymous said...

I done it, you have talked me into it. I have the day off Friday(no work no kid) and I getting a massage! Finally something to look forward to. You have cheered me up! thank you.