Saturday, November 15, 2008

I Lost 15 Pounds :)
Yay Me!

Yep, I did it. And I'm gonna do it again so I can get to 30 pounds lost.

I don't mean to brag but I rock, y'all.

The other day I was in a fancy meeting with all these big time people but since I'm a writer I like to dress super cas (as in casual) even though I'm usually so nervous I want to throw up or have diarrhea.

So anyway, I bust out THE JEANS. "The jeans" are the jeans in the next size down that didn't fit that I bought hoping they would one day fit, even though I swore I would stop buying jeans in next size down that would one day fit but do not fit right now.

But they were so cute!

Dark denim.

They were on sale for only twenty dollars!

C'mon. I can resist a donut but I cannot resist cute, dark denim on sale jeans for twenty dollars.

I try them on for my meeting. They will not zip. I lay on the bed, I lay on the floor. Nope, they ain't zipping.

Okay, I have a plan. I drive to the meeting with unzipped jeans on. During the twenty minute drive to the big fancy meeting, the jeans will probably stretch.

They will HAVE to stretch! Dear God, I hope they stretch.

I pull into the valet and he watches me curiously as I am jumping up and down and trying to zip my unzippable jeans.

I get them up on the third try! Yay! Now it's just the button that will not button. I can keep them unbuttoned but then it looks like I am smuggling something under my shirt. Not good. I bust a move for the ladies room.

It's there that I get the button of the jeans buttoned. Problem: I am now restricting blood flow from the top half of my body to the bottom half.

I decide it's totally worth it because I look good. Fifteen pounds lighter in a size smaller jean. AMEN!!!

I am sitting with the super important people and this is the part where you make small talk but all I can think about it how I am probably going to pass out and then they will have to call an ambulance and then a fireman will come and have to cut me out of these jeans.

I'm asked by one of the very important people, "So what's new with you?" I couldn't speak, I didn't know what to say... I couldn't think of anything funny, witty or charming when the only thing I could see is a swarm of executives watching me being cut out of my jeans and revealing the giant grannie panties I bought in a six pack at Target.

So I say: "Um... I went on a diet and lost fifteen pounds and thought I could wear the next size jeans down and basically I'm just sitting in these super tight jeans waiting to pass out and then have to be emergency air lifted out of here."

The whole room cracked up laughing.

I won them over. I did not die. I looked super cute for the whole hour. I was confident, composed, attentive.

And at the end of it, I smiled, I said my goodbyes and then I ran like hell to my car, unbuttoned my jeans in the parking garage and drove home.

If you like this post, send it to a bunch of friends by using the little envelope icon below. When you do, men will chase you down the street and invite you out for shrimp cocktails.


This blog is dedicated to just doing it.
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24 comments:

howitstarts said...

Haha! I have totally worn the size down pants and nearly died. This was a great story though and I'm glad the meeting went well!

Noble Savage said...

Brilliant post, you are hilarious.

So who were the bigwigs?

adventure grrl said...

I cannot say now but I will say soon. I'm trying to be somewhat anonymous so my family does not disown me! :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, I love you grrl!
I can completely relate. I have my used-to-fit size six(!!!!) jeans from American Eagle sitting out beside my dresser. *sigh* It's hard and so very true...what Joni Mitchell sings "you don't know what you've got til it's gone". But instead of paveing paradise and putting up a parking lot, I've gained forty pounds and traveled back in time to when I was a size fourteen.

I'm beginning to really hate the number four...(check my latest blog post on CSL for more of that thought!)

Thank you for always sharing, and giving us all a little something to relate to.

*hugs* and all my love and .:*DuSt
always always
Kendra "Sparkles"

Anonymous said...

oh, and
CONGRATULATIONS on the fifteen pounds lost!!! I'm doing a happy dance for you!

<3
Kendra

Kim said...

Thanks so much for visiting my blog and leaving a comment!! It means a lot coming from someone as funny as you are!! :)

saveyoursoul said...

Your posts are always so witty. I loveeee it.

And congrats on the 15 lbs!

Jessica said...

hahahaha! That was so funny. Congrats on losing so much weight. That's amazing!

Cara said...

That is a great story! Can't wait to start keeping up with your blog ;-)

SSP said...

bwahahahahaaaaaa now reading that made me snort milk outta my nose - ya know, I can totally hear your voice in my head saying the things you write. congrats on the "first" 15 pounds....and yeah, we all have those next size down jeans taunting us.... and here is a funny - the scrambled word I have to type to post my comment is "sumorio" - yes please, I would like SOME OREOS!!!

elife said...

15 pounds!! So awesome! Hilarious post as always.

Surfergrrl said...

Sometimes honesty is funnier than anything you could have "tried" to come up with. congrats!!

tw!nkletw!nkle said...

congrats!!!!!!!!! i have a pair of jeans like that too. only they are the jeans that SHOULD fit but i am steadily growing out of. so ive pretty much restricted my jeans wear-age to special occasions. now i make a casual statement with my VS PINK pants lol

yours,
TW!NKLE!!!!!!!!!!

Glam said...

Hello, luv, thanks for stopping by my blog. So happy to have "met" you. Congrats on the 15 pounds! Kudos to you for rocking those skinny jeans. I'm still gazing longingly at mine...

Call_Me_Toots said...

Oh gosh..I think I have done this too! The things we do to look good. But, you rock girl! 15 pounds! Awesome.

Anonymous said...

Over the past eight months, I've lost 18 pounds and let me tell you, there are few better feelings than pulling the belt one notch tighter or fitting into the skinny jeans again... so CONGRATS! Women everywhere are jealous of you. ;)
- KG

jae said...

You make me howl girl!!! ~j

forgetfulone said...

What we women do to look cute! You DO rock!

Miss Musing said...

Congratulations on the weight loss! I'm so happy for you :)

Michelle J said...

Freaking brilliant!!!

:O)

Andrea said...

GREAT job on the 15 lbs! That's quite an accomplishment!

Simplicity said...

I only had a few minutes to peruse your blog this evening, but I will be back! I laughed out loud over and over!!!

Our stories are very, very, very similar...

theneatos said...

Hooray for the 15lbs! That is freaking awesome.

Oh, and your story telling? Amazing! I guffawed out loud and then snorted. This was the perfect, totally relatable, story!

Southern Diva said...

Just discovered your blog, and that story was freakin' hilarious. I have sooooo been there. I've actually even used a rubber band to loop through the button hole and then loop over the button so that I wouldn't have that "this waistband is cutting me in half" feeling. LOL