Thursday, June 7, 2012

And How Are You...?

I received this sweet message in my in box: "It's quiet here. It's TOO quiet. Do hope all is well & if not, that you are doing what you need to do to take good care of yourself. Come back when you can, you are missed."

Things are good... well, I won't lie, they've actually been tough.  One night in February, I was out having margaritas with "The Boy I Asked Out On Craigslist."  He had been one of my Adventure Bowl adventures and truly one of the best adventures yet.  But he was divorced and reeling from it and I was tired of dating guys who were getting over girls who were jerks.  The girls not the boys.  Though a guy not being able to get over a jerky girl often made them jerky themselves.

I had recently pulled out of the Adventure Bowl, "Start Going To Therapy" and the therapist had sort of insinuated that perhaps I had been too quick to throw this particular divorced fish back in the pond.  So we were having margaritas and talking and laughing and flirting and now I was thinking too, perhaps I had made a mistake.

Only, cute, tall, smart guys, even when they are jerky with jerky exes do not stay single for long.  He let me know, though I had released him back out into the dating wild a month ago, he was already seeing someone.  For a month.

Then he grabbed me and kissed me, leaving me to feel even more confused than ever.

But there was no time to explore this because at the same time I was making out with this jerk (now a confirmed jerk because he was seeing someone else, yet kissing me) my Dad was being transported by ambulance 3,000 miles away and would spend the next three weeks in intensive care, organs shutting down, desperately fighting for his life.

So that is why I have fallen off the face of the Earth.

And how are you?  Please tell me, distract me from myself.  I mean it!

That said, it's not like I have not been here before, sick and sad and worried over a sick parent.   I'm just getting tired of it, frankly.

However, I have not given up on the Adventure Bowl and it has saved my ass through this especially cruel few months.  One adventure especially has changed my life:  "Join Crossfit."  When you are feeling mentally broken down, there is nothing like pushing yourself way, way, way beyond your physical boundaries.

And finding those boundaries are meant to be broken.  I have spent a lot of time, drenched in sweat feeling completely broken on the floor of a gym yet with a smile on my face, shocked by what I can now do, physically.  

There's some news regarding my Dad that I can share soon... and I will, I promise.  Life lately has made me feel like "broken on the gym floor" is a very familiar place.  But I'm definitely seizing strength from it.  Getting mentally tough in ways that really surprise me.

This all might sound vague - so I'll put it this way, that Adventure Bowl has saved my ass once again.  My Dad getting so sick and nearly dying would have for sure put me to bed for way longer than 100 Days.  But a "new" (yet still very imperfect) me has emerged since starting these adventures and I beat back the sadness that threatened to take me down.

Summer is upon us.  What adventure will you partake in?  What is the thing you are dealing with right now that you most wish you had the strength for?  I'd love to know.

And Karen, thank you for the sweet comment that got me to write this post ;)




Tw!nkleTw!nkle said...

I am so sorry to hear about your dad... I sure hope the news that you will be sharing will be good news. What a hard thing to go through.

I want to hear more about this CrossFit! Do they have something for completely UNfit and weak individuals like myself? I've seen it on TV before and it looks really great but I don't think I am strong enough for it.

You still rock, you're still amazing and your fans are still here, following along with you (like me!)

I need the strength to get through the summer. I got a 2nd job (just until August) that will do a lot for my career but it requires me to work 8am-9pm 5x a week and frankly, I have no energy at all anymore. I am so tired some days that I feel physically sick. I just need the strength to survive until August!

Shirley said...

Fingers crossed for you!!

And you've inspired me. I've been so busy and stressed that my physical self has been neglected.

It's easy for me to say "oh, I'm too tired" because I have fibromyalgia, and one of my symptoms is chronic fatigue.

HOWEVER, my joint pain is FAR less if I keep my body limber and in shape. I will be dusting off my yoga and pilates tapes tonight.

Thank you!

adventure grrl said...

TwinkleTwinkle - I am so unfit and the great thing about Crossfit is that it is "scalable" meaning, for instance, because I had a broken shoulder, when people are doing pullups on a bar, I will do something else. I always hate exercising BUT I LOVE THIS!!!

Part of me wants to swear it would help you get through your rough schedule and the other part of me says SLEEP!!! But you should check it out - lots give you the first class free - I don't know how long I can afford it but a lot of people just take the WOD "workout of the day" and do it at home or at their gym.


adventure grrl said...

GOOD FOR YOU SHIRLEY!!! And thanks for writing. A girl walked into Crossfit with an arm cast up to her mid-arm. I was like, "Damn girl, I will never make another excuse about the gym again."

I have found it has cured 3 years of terrible insomnia too! Let me know how your working out goes, too! I find once I get into a groove it becomes part of my every day routine pretty easy!

Lisa M said...

So glad you're back, I have really missed your posting and I love hearing that the Adventure bowl is carrying you through a tough time.

Jeannie said...

I so admire you. I wish I had the guts to make an adventure jar - I'm just too afraid of what I would pull-out of it and that I would need to follow-through.

I, too, wondered where life had taken you and am happy that Karen sent you a message.

Sending you blessings.

Dani said...

I'm thankful you're back too. You inspire me to smile and appreciate this journey more. I'm struggling with being single and trying to enjoy it more. Recently divorced I've become a bit of a recluse. Can't get myself to jump into the social scenes so I keep to a small group of loved ones (I've pulled from them too). Anyhow I can understand how your dad's health can be affecting you, my gr. dad's health is waning. I hope it gets better, you get a break and a needed release. Smiles!

Johnny said...

First off I'm Sorry about your pop...

I really like the energy you bring to the blog. I was randomly surfing when I found it.

Its always a marvel when girls cut a guy loose and then get jealous when the guy finds somebody else. My best friend is going through this phenomenon at this very moment. She dumped him and he moved on and now she's mad that he moved on. He was supposed to languish in a glass case of emotion while she was out having the time of her life. So complicated...forget about it...

What I'd like to have the strength to do is stop smoking.

Take care

adventure grrl said...

Thank you, Lisa!

Hi Jeannie, I'm back ;) Check out my Facebook page for more regular posts. Good luck with your Adventure Bowl - remember, an adventure is whatever an adventure is to you! It can be very small - once you feel comfortable, you can make them bigger ;) For instance, one adventure I had was getting a manicure - I just desperately needed to tell everybody "no" and take some time for myself!

Hi Dani - thanks for commenting! I do hope your grand dad gets better :) Have you thought about "meet ups?" You can do things based on your favorite hobbies and it's a great no pressure way to meet people!, I believe :)

Johnny, good luck quitting smoking - an adventure will distract you ;) Yes, I cannot even begin to explain how complicated woman are. For me, I think my ego was hurt he moved on so damn quickly. I'm a work in progress!

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