Sunday, December 2, 2007

The Letter Part 2

It was not so much a letter as a fancy envelope with calligraphy on
the front. Nothing good can ever come from calligraphy on the front.
(At least, not when your unemployed. Calligraphy equals someone
wanting expensive gifts from Crate & Barrel.)

I opened it.

It was a wedding invitation. My heart started racing as I scanned it... I didn't even have to see all the names and places and wheres and whens - I JUST KNEW. Old Boyfriend would be there. If you continue to read here, you will learn there is Good Old Boyfriend and Bad Old Boyfriend. With Bad Old Boyfriend things ended badly, but with no one else juicy-delicious to think about, I can't stop thinking
that now that I AM OVER Bad Old Boyfriend (I swear) why can't I toy with the possibility with meet-up-at-the-wedding MAKE-OUT (or more) in four months? How else can I CRUSH HIM WITH REGRET?

Good Old Boyfriend is another story for another time. (Why are WE ONLY TEMPTED BY THE BAD ONES?)

Of course my mind immediately races to the important things: HOW MUCH WEIGHT CAN I LOOSE IN FOUR MONTHS and WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR? But the second thing doesn't matter as much as the first thing because without the accomplishment of the first thing, there can be no second thing. A SEQUINED MUMU FROM LANE BRYANT does not say let's grab that half bottle of champagne and meet in the bushes. Well... not the
bushes... not if I'm thin and wearing something expensive from Bloomingdale's WITH THE TAGS TUCKED IN THE BACK so I can return it the following day.

So much to think about. With so much to think about, I don't even have time to think about, how do I really feel? Which is good. I don't really want to think about that right now.

All I want to think about is... Is forty pounds even in the REALM of possibilty of losing if I only eat hard boiled eggs and carrots for four months?


Anonymous said...

so... maybe not 40 lbs, but certainly atleast half of that, just keep at the gym, and eat tons of egg whites (i know, disgusting, but it helps take off lbs like crazy)
plus if u start lifting some weights now, you'll look toned up and hot in time for some bush lovin come wedding time :)

Anonymous said...

Get something that makes you look and feel sexy 40lbs off or not!
I am sure you will look fabulous 40lbs off or not!

adventure grrl said...

Oh, MY GIRLS!!! You guys rock. Today I have already passed up on 8,000 calorie Starbucks GingerBread Latte. Now all I have to do is handcuff myself to a TREADMILL for four months. OH, AND I WILL!!!!

mary said...

I love getting invites like this, they scare you into action.

I lost tons of weight on South Beach and really got my pre-Mom shape back. The diet is relatively easy as far as complete sugar deprivation goes and you can still sip a yummy merlot.

If only I hadn't started my comfort eating again this fall....
I am back on it again, week 2.

You can do this, 4 months is a long, long time in diet land.

Skye said...

You can absolutely get yourself toned and fabulous by the it 5 pounds or 40 pounds you'll still be smokin as long as you get a dress that makes you feel confident and fantastic. And if you find the perfect dress rip those tags off (well cut...ripping has potntially bad side-effects)....everyone deserves a great outfit that makes them feel vibrant and sexy!

Anonymous said...

bad old boyfriend is a big ol' tool. you will look hot, you will own it, and you will leave him in the same place he will always be... stuck in perpetual self loathing and emotionally crippled hell with his clueless and homely (yes, i'll be THAT girl for a minute) gf. good luck! rock it out! jump out of a plane!

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain as I recently found out my ex (2 years this weekend) is getting married in a couple of weeks AND she has a child (which he was QUITE clear about not wanting). Why go to the wedding? Too painful if you ask me. I'm buying myself a plane ticket out of town and doing whatever I can to forget he's getting married and I'm just dateless.