Thursday, December 13, 2007

Thinking About Death is Fun!

UPDATE: Getting Truth-y
I wrote this entry because I had one too many glasses of red wine. Okay, that's a lie. I had one glass of red wine. Which is even worse, because I wasn't even drunk enough to justify why I would write a post like this. EXCEPT: It was a great, fun way to avoid Part 3 of "How It All Began" which I swear, I will get too shortly, unless I can think of some other embarassing INNER WORKINGS OF MY MIND

I don't know why I always think about death this time of year. It's two days before the celebration of me shooting out of my mother's loins (my birthday. What? I was trying to be colorful.)

Anyway, a few weeks ago I said to my friend L, "If I die, I want to have my spec sitcom scripts paper mached around my feet like boots and then I would like to be SHOT OUT OF A CANON. Make that happen." (Which, if she comes up against my mother, she WILL NEVER MAKE THAT HAPPEN.)

Then I was looking through old emails of exactly this time last year and found one to L, again, requesting what I would like to happen to me if I died. (WARNING: MUCH WINE WAS CONSUMED IN THE MAKING OF THIS EMAIL, as I had by now, spent over one month, unexpectedly in my childhood twin bed after my mother's glorious, tragic and somewhat entertaining nervous breakdown.)


"If i die, i would like to lie in state in a cascde of broken ice chips (not cubes, cubes will not be right for the occasion.)  In the ice there will be stations for fresh rolls, then roast beef, turkey, ham, assorted salads and dressings. Should there be a hot station, too? If so, that's where the rolls should be. Also, a rotissere chicken or a tri-tip might be nice. Let's talk soup, too. Something in a bisque, a crab or tomato. The last stop, would be my feet, is where people will help themselves to one or several imported beers. So in essence, if we can steal one of those huge salad bar stations Whole Foods, I'm good."

I know, I'm bizarre. If you haven't figured that out yet, really, what can I do?


juliefisher4 said...

Hi. I just started reading your blog last week,and I love it! I feel like I have spent 100 days in bed in the last year...if not more! It's been a rough one. I will spare you the details - here's a quick recap. Laid off, ex-boyfriend (best friend) dies, Dad liver transplant, and soon to be laid off again. In the past year, my ass, has grown as well. I feel like in the past two weeks I have made a commitment to reclaiming my life for me! I want to thank you for your blog. You truly are an inspiration...thank you :o)

Surfergrrl said...

So what are you going to do for your birthday? -surfergrrl (formerly Tonya) :)

thesleepycat said...

hey! I am finally leaving you a comment, after following your blog in quite a stalker-ish manner (lol) for the past couple weeks - I found out about it on one of your posts on the forums. anyway, I've been like, "I really gotta tell this girl how hilarious and original she is!" so now I finally am... even though tons of other people have said that, too. but - it's true! you are a writer. have you thought of writing a book about all this? or a sitcom with your life as an inspiration... 100 Days In Bed, it's so catchy.
well if anything I hope you keep posting this blog! you make us all feel more comfortbale with our own being-buried-in-a-Whole-Foods-salad-bar-esque (or similar)bizareness :)

adventure grrl said...

JulieFisher4, Sounds like you have been rocked by a hurricane. Listen, I'm no expert (though I am in the "my dad had an organ transplant club" and "death of a loved one club" SO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME. Go to a Compassionate Friends meeting, it's for survivors after you've lost someone you love. I for one, tried to deal with my cousin's death on my own and look where it got me??? Though I'm coming toward the light, it was 2 wasted, awful years being depressed and alone. Learn from me!

Surfergrrl, I rocked it on my birthday. I used an old gift certificate to this massage place and it WAS HEAVENLY. Then a friend and I went to dinner and I ate my dog's weight in food. NO REGRETS, there!

The Sleepy Cat,
Your compliments, short of being in some festive gift bag, are the best BIRTHDAY GIFT I ever got. Thank you, thank you.