On Fridays, me and my friends go for a weigh in. We all want to GET SWIMSUIT SLIM, so it's great to go and root each other on.
Today, I had a feeling IT WAS NOT GOING TO BE PRETTY. And I was right and it wasn't.
You know when you step on the scale at WW and the woman reading your weight falls silent and gives you a case of "THE SAD EYES," the news is NOT going to be good.
In my case, IT WAS BRUTAL. I gained 5.8 pounds. I waited for her to rip my "Bravo" stickers from previous weeks off my card. She did not. She is a kind woman.
So there I was, putting my shoes and sweater back on, feeling ANGRY and DISAPPOINTED and MORTIFIED and EMBARRASSED.
HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED????
Well, I didn't weigh in in the three weeks I was away, where I could have noticed the uptick at 2 pounds and immediately addressed it. That's HOW IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED. And, how on vacation, I had to eat BAKED STUFFED SHRIMP (They don't make it this good anywhere!), eat at my favorite PIZZA place like four times (You can't get it this good on the West Coast!), then there was all the WINE and BEER, oh and "The Nutty Irishmen" (deliciously alcohol infused coffee) my sister E and I would drink at Sunday Brunches (We deserve it! We're on vacation!)
(CRINGING) Oh, and the Chinese Food (three times) where the Crab Rangoon (fried wontons with pillows of cream cheese and crab - that's low in fat and calories, right?) melts in your mouth (and apparently, lives on your THIGHS).
OH, THAT'S HOW IT HAPPENED.
The good news is I had dropped almost 4 pounds before, so it's not a HUGE SET BACK. The other good news is NOW THAT I KNOW HOW IT HAPPENED (eating too much, moving too little, not keeping my food journal), I KNOW HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL.
The weird thing is, YOU'D THINK THAT THE WEIGH IN would have me plunging under the covers, DIVING INTO THE DEPRESSION BED, but INSTEAD, it just makes ME WANT TO FIGHT HARDER.
It's not just about diets and weight. (Although, I SALIVATE "Crab Rangoon Style" thinking about zipping up my size 10 jeans.)
It's about wanting to treat my body like a tropical paradise instead of a stanky crack den. It's about HONORING a promise I made to myself. It's about BEING PRESENT and ACCOUNTABLE and REAL. It's about NOT GIVING UP when the news is BAD. It's about SETTING GOALS and having a BLAST while I ACHIEVE them. It's ABOUT CELEBRATING the BEST SELF I can be.
All the same things I want from LIFE.
7 comments:
I will try to remember your last paragraph when I hop on the scale at Weight Watchers tomorrow.
wow... you're my hero!!! you have SUCH a great attitude. in the end I really think its the attitude that messes you up, not the few days or weeks (or months or years) you spent eating bad, cause w/ the right attitude changing and losing weight is *ALWAYS* possible. but when you're down in the dumps and depressed over it that's worse than a jillion calories. lol am I making sense?
hey, what happened to the post about how your 9 pound doggie saved your life?
anyways, way to go, and good luck at the next WW meeting :)
oh the chinese food! oh the amazing prawns! it was all worth it... keep at it though and don't lose that drive!!
xo
b
You are awesome. I am so obsessed with your blog. My friends and I check it all the time!!! You are so determined and fierce, i know you will do great on your diet.
I love your blog, too. No one speaks as honestly about depression as you, except maybe Oprah - but not really for young people like you. Thanks, I feel less alone and also, you really make me laugh.
That's the biggest thing about weight loss - the realisation that it's not about the weight per se, but about being the best 'self' you can. It's not about banning food from your life but learning to live with it and accept yourself. I just ate a pack of chips but I'm okay with it cos I was craving salt and I'd rather eat a small pack of chips than binge later on a big pack. I'm okay with me and that's the important thing. :)
WOW! I have been reading your blog for a few months now and all of your entries have hit home with me...but this one in particular, I felt I had to FINALLY comment.
I had exactly this happen to me this week. I am 29 and slowly trying to follow the shred of light that somehow hits me when balled up under my down comforter. I have been battling depression for some time now and finally decided to take a stand and be pro-active about it in October.
I stumbled across your blog and was entertained and touched. I feel like I have finally found someone who feels the same way and has no problem talking about it.
I have no problem admitting I have severe depression. I have no problem admitting I am overweight. I do have a problem staying on track and focused on my life goals, let alone my daily ones.
I threw my healthy eating mindset out the window this week and consumed everything in sight for the past five days. Until I read your blog, I was just going to beat myself up about this and continue the emotional eating by heading to the nearest bakery and buying a chocolate cake. But, honestly, from the bottom of my heart, you have helped me realize tomorrow is another day and I have another chance to change my eating habits.
Thank you for exposing yourself so selflessly for all of us to see. I appreciate your honesty and look forward to more posts! MUAH!
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