Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The High Price of Feeling Low

It's expensive to be depressed. You would think you would save a lot of money on going out, 'cause you never want to go anywhere or see anyone; groceries, 'cause a bag of chips from 7-11 will suffice for the day; hair cuts and colors, 'cause what's the point if you never go out; clothing, 'cause sweat pants will do; utilities, because laying in the dark and not showering are you're number 1 hobby.

But all that savings doesn't amount up to the high price of feeling low.

And I'm not talking about how relationships, in my case, were strained: with the boy I loved, the friends I have (you become a flake when you constantly cancel or never show up anywhere), you're productivity slows because you never have the energy to do anything and your ass gets fat because you simultaneously don't move and don't care what you eat.

I'm talking monetarily, the high price, the cash, the cabbage, the hundred dollar bills y'all. Money mistakes depressed people make because they have their heads buried under the covers. I know. I've been there.

This weekend, having seen Suze Orman on every book in the library and every TV show I seemed to turn on (PBS! Oprah! Larry King!), I took it as a sign that I really needed to deal with my finances.

There is money laying in a 401k that had never been invested. There is a broken phone from Sprint that had never been sent back so they changed me $179.00. There's two companies threatening collection, although I know I paid those bills (I swear I did!) although I have not wanted to deal with calling my bank for the cancelled checks. How about those receipts that if I don't send into my insurance, I won't be reimbursed for? How about that free plane ticket I found that had expired because it was not prpoperly filed away?

It's all haunting me, day and night but the more I think about it, the more I want to crawl under the cozy covers with my fluffy Chihuahua and escape the choking OVER-WHELM-ED-NESS of it all.

I'm trying to shift my thinking. All this money, it adds up to like, a free vacation. Would I give up a free vacation? Would I give up two months rent?

Come on, BE A GROWN UP!
But I don't want to be.
It's so cute you think you have a choice.

The problem with me is I am an ALL or NOTHING girl. I want to handle all of this in one day or NEVER AT ALL. I think the thing with us recovering depress-ties and those of you with serious cases of Over-whelm-ed-ness and Stress-ful-itis is we have to make up realistic goals. Small goals.

Could I do two things a day? If I did two things a day, eight things would be done by Friday. It would reinforce to me, that it's not so hard to do it that way. I have this cute pink folder with a Hawaiian flower on it. I'm going to call it my TWO A DAY FOLDER.

Every thing that needs to be done will be filed on the left and the two things I'm gonna do that day will filed be on the right.

And all the money I save, will go into a little vacation account I'm going to start. And that will be the first thing I'm gonna do.


Surfergrrl said...

It's a catch 22. On one hand, people recommend things like a new wardrobe, haircut, taking classes/vacations, new home decorations, etc as a way to lift your spirits and get you our of your rut...on the other hand, all that ads up to a load of money which can further cause depression in your life.

Although my circumstances don’t' feel extreme, I really do want a new wardrobe, post breakup. But I know I really need to watch my finances or else I'll be in deep doo doo. So how do you find balance between the two? I'd really love to know myself.

Shut up Stacy London. Girlfriend needs to stop telling me what not to wear. Her tastes sucks anyway. :)

adventure grrl said...

Surfergrrl said: "Although my circumstances don’t' feel extreme, I really do want a new wardrobe, post breakup. But I know I really need to watch my finances or else I'll be in deep doo doo. So how do you find balance between the two?" Like I said in the post, I tend to be an "all or nothing" girl. I think WE both have to find ways to find small changes.

It sounds like you had an intense, hard break-up, getting a new wardrobe will really lift your spirits.

I say get one or two pieces from Lohemann's - so cheap and very upscale.

Check out some consignment shops. I love them. Some let you bring in your own clothes to sell and will give you a big credit at their store or cash back.

Or grab all your girlfriends with clothes they don't like from their wardrobe and do a clothing swap.

And I cannot say how much BRAND NEW HAIR HELPS! Vidal Sasson does a training night where getting a cut and color is thirty bucks.

Surfergrrl said...

thanks for the tips! I've been doing a lot of shopping at Ross and Target. But even that adds up! Oh, and don't forget about the mani/pedi's! :)

Dee said...

That definitely sounds like a plan. I hope you stick to it lady! Good luck!

one pound at a time said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
one pound at a time said...

adventure grrl,

after reading your blog for a while it sounds like we have been leading parallel lives. i, too, went through a great loss when my boyfriend died suddenly almost 2 years ago. i, too, gained weight, about 30lbs worth, and finally, i somehow managed to rack up quite a bit of credit card debt.

i can't believe it's been almost 2 years and i'm just now starting to see some cracks of light through all the darkness.

thanks for putting a voice to all the personal emotions that one goes through when there's been such a significant loss. it amazes me how perfect you capture my very own thoughts.

you've even inspired me to start my own blog, but i'm using it more as personal journaling method.


hope&laughter said...

I am a big bealiver in baby steps. They accumulate to big gains, eventually.

Crack me up on your comment: I don't want to grow up. Like you have a choice.

Totally how I feel. Still fighting the growing up process. Want to stomp my feet and pout. I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I DON"T WANNA!

adventure grrl said...

One Pound at a Time - I want to give you the biggest virtual hug ever. I know your pain and believe yours is ten fold over mine. I hope you are getting the support and love you need. Have you ever heard of Compassionate Friends? They are an amazing support group for people who lose loved ones young and unexpectedly. I am here and I am rooting for you and I hope, an example that YOU CAN GET THROUGH THE WORST DEPRESSION EVER, and come out the other side.

And start that blog, girl. Do it just for you and you just might be surprised who you INSPIRE. You've already inspired me and made me feel less alone. xo

one pound at a time said...

First of all, loss is loss. I don't believe anyone's pain is more than another's. The pain you feel is personal and unique. Losing someone we love suddenly and unexpectedly I think rips people apart in such a way that only those who have gone through it can completely understand. You lose all sense of self and security. I believe this applies to boyfriends, cousins, friends, parents, etc.

No I haven't heard of Compassionate Friends. I will look them up. I'll take support from wherever. I have found the Young Widows Bulletin Board to be an amazing resource. The reason I went there is because my boyfriend died 3 days before he was going to propose, so we were at that marriage committment stage of our relationship. There were other people on there in the same situation as me.

It amazes me the amount of support one can find out there.

TwinkleTwinkle said...

that folder is such a great idea! how are you so smart?


you sound like me.
Depression affects the money scale just as much as it does the flipping weight scale, that's why I added another bill to my growing financial strain at one time, when I had to pay for a broken window, compliments of the scale that I hucked out the window. :)

Feel better!!

adventure grrl said...

Crusty Beef, you kill me!

One Pund At A Time, You're right, loss is loss. My cousin (the brother of my cousin who died) onces said to me, "Grief is not a competition." Amen.