Sunday, March 30, 2008

I Saw Myself in Forty Years and It Ain't Pretty!

While adopting (or trying to) a new healthier way of eating, I had to scrutinize the pots and pans in my pantry. Because pans that are hard to clean because they have scuff and scratch marks, are not used and therefore useless.

Yes, that's why I have not lost weight. Bad pans.

I promptly threw my two pans out and was left with one cake pan. That was two months ago. A sensible person would have run out and bought a new one, maybe ordered two pans online.

But no, I had to almost burn my whole apartment down to get the job done..

I was steaming some brussel sprouts and grabbed the hot pan with a cloth napkin I had stolen from The Beverly Hills Hotel. Having not shut the burner off, it promptly caught fire and I had to drop the burning cloth on my hardwood floors and douse water all over it.

Note to self, "Don't be shocked if you don't get your rental deposit back."

So off to Marshalls I go because I love a bargain and I love even more that they have a nice selection of Cuisinart pans with non-stick cancer causing Teflon. Sold!

Of course, I can't be at Marshalls without perusing the clothes.

I'm looking at a cute hot pink sleeveless number that would probably fit over one of my shoulders in about forty pounds when I see a woman... maybe 60, or 65... okay, maybe 70, (I'm not good with
numbers). She is holding up a pair of pants that might fit over one of her hips in about forty pounds and exclaiming to her friend, "Maybe I should just get them. I can hang them in the corner until I lose the weight."

And that's when I realize that I am seeing me, at Marshalls, in forty years.

I buy things that don't fit and hang them in the corner. There they are, bathing suits and jeans and little summer dresses. It's like my bedroom has become some museum for my size 8 future.

But the more I keep adding to the collection of "Clothes That Will One Day Fit," the more crowded the room becomes, the more used to it I become, until all the jeans and bathing suits that are supposed to serve as a reminder, only fade into the background.

My shrink did once give me one great piece of advice. "Stop futurizing." It means, stop living in the future when I think I'll be thin, when I think I'll be worthy to dress better and look cute. I tried to put it into practice, but it never registered fully until I saw "Future Me" at Marshalls, buying herself pants that were four sizes too small and hoping that they would one day fit.

So, right there at Marshalls, I circled back my shopping cart to the place where I had found two of the cutest tops and exchanged my "future size" for my "now size." That felt good because now I can actually wear these tops this week instead of "date of unknown origin."

I even came home and packed up my clothing museum. Off it went, into a drawer.

Although, I'm not perfect. As I unloaded my new purchases from Marshalls, I had to laugh. There was just one "future me" shirt I could not resist. But only because it was the last one and on sale for $5.00. Tahari for $5.00! Intricate sequins! The most beautiful blue color that flatters every face and skin tone!

I know, I know. But progress, right? I'm a work-in-progress, people!

This blog is dedicated to veggie hot dogs with the works.


Anonymous said...

the other thing too is not buying ANYTHING "until the weight comes off". but then, why can't you have something pretty to make yourself look good now? why not boost your confidence? so that maybe it will encourage you more to look good, feel good and then "the weight comes off"... and by you in these statements, i mean me. its so freaky how much i relate. thank you!

Anonymous said...

When I was growing up I(really my mom) would buy shoes for my growing feet. It would be I was 12 and truthfully be an 8 but be buying a 9. Thank goodness I actually ended up a nine and then stopped growing!
I'm now refusing to buy a pair of jeans until I can fit into my (I was once skinny(er)) pair as they are hanging in the closet and i'm so very very close! Good luck and push yourself because it is so not easy when things like Oreos exist!

Anonymous said...

It's always easier to tailor a garment IN, rather than letting the seams out.

Buy things for you NOW. A girl deserves to look good at ANY size! Think of how PISSED we'd be if our mothers were buying us smaller clothes for "when you lose the weight."

I'd be MURDEROUS! why do that to ourselves??

Anonymous said...

why does life have to torture us like this? It sure feels so good to eat! I have a massage scheduled tomorrow. they called to confirm it and said " We are confirming your appt Tues with Jeff"
I said, "JEFF???? A man????" "he is going to think I am fat!" The lady on the other end just giggled and say "oh no... it will be ok"

OH GREAT!!!!!! I'm scared.

Susan said...

Buy what makes you look good now! You'll feel better all around, you might build up the confidence it takes to actually start losing the weight that you want to. You have to believe in yourself, believe that you do have enough control over yourself to be successful in all of your goals. There's no better way to do that than with a fabulous outfit!

Reb said...

Oh, this sounds so much like me! I am glad you had your epiphany and shared it with the rest of us. I just found your blog, so I am off to read some more.

Shauna said...

Brilliant stuff! "Stop futurizing". I never knew that was a word but I likes it :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Adventure grrl,
I would think that you saw me in that store but:
1) I am only 39
2) I wasn't in Marshalls
3) I live on the east coast
4) I am not buying any clothes for myself until I fit into my skinny jeans.

I can totally relate to this post and I would tell you that you should buy clothes that make you happy now, do as I say not as I do!!

I love posts like this because they make me wonder if I am crazy for the same behavior.

Thank you,

adventure grrl said...

Anonymous, I love to pay a man to put his hands all over me!!! Always book a man for a massage. And then boss him around! It feels so naughty. :)