Friday, May 2, 2008

The Lunacy of Overbearing Mothers

Today I took myself out for breakfast. There's a cute five dollar breakfast special place near me where you can sit outside. And I decided I was worth five dollars plus tax and tip. I was sitting next to a guy who was with his mother who had just flown in from out of town.

This woman was (and I am not trying to be unkind, just accurate and you'll see, soon, how this keen observation fits profoundly into the story) - this woman was gia-gantic, gi-normous, routund-ness, big-a-licious, back-fat-o-matic.

So she's having a five dollar breakfast special at a cute place where you can sit outside, sitting with her son whom she has flown in to see from undisclosed far away place, and because when all mothers are reunited with their adult children, have obviously read the same manual, "How To Ruin Your Child's Self-Esteem in Ten Easy Steps," has leaned over to him and said:

"You really should go on a diet. At your age, it's only going to get harder."

And if I can also preface that she, of substantial size, was also, NOT only eating a huge bagel, lox and cream cheese, but also eating a HUGE BAGEL, LOX AND CREAM CHEESE, unlike a LADY might. She ate it sandwich style in approximately three bites. That's no lady eatin'.

Her son, who visibly withered after her comment, was maybe ten pounds overweight. That might be "gay-fat" heavy as my gay friends say, but that ain't 30 year-old "hetero-heavy", okay?

I wanted to take my "Fresh and Fruity" (huge fruit plate, side of yogurt and a muffin) and smash it into her face (gently, after all, she is someone's mother). I kept waiting for her to get up and go to the rest room so I could say to her son, "MY MOM JUST DID THAT TO ME, TOO!"

Then we would fall in love and have morbidly obese children who need to be home schooled because they can't fit behind regulation school desks but we wouldn't care because we had learned to actually love your children no matter what they look like.

This post is dedicated to the size XXL.



myself said...

Brings the old adage "do as I say not as I do" to mind.

Or that what we pick on in others in what bothers us the most about ourselves.

Hello pot? The kettle's calling....

adventure grrl said...

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Anonymous said...

Do parents even realize the effect they have on their children?!?

And society blames the media for eating disorders and everything else under the sun....I say it is all our parents' fault! After all...we didn't pick them :)

Anonymous said...

No one sets our ideas on food and weight into cement quite like our parents. This can work for you, or against you - depending on their relationship with both issues.

Society certainly doesn't help.. there's very little that's healthy out there in Hollywood and your local fast food restaurant.

Also.. for everything that your Mother says, just imagine she's telling it to herself - because that's usually who it applies to the MOST. :)

Susan said...

*YOU* crack me up! I got a good chuckle out of this one.

But seriously - let's do the math. Good self esteem = taking pride in yourself~your appearance.

Self esteem assults by people who are *supposed* to love you unconditionally = binge eating!

Anonymous said...

Hi Adventure grrl,
Sorry to burst your bubble, but if you were to fall in love and marry that man you would have beanpole children and have no idea what planet they are from. My husband and I are both overweight. Our 15 year old son is 6 feet tall and weighs in at a very muscular, skinny 145 pounds. You just never know.

I am a mother and a daughter so I know both sides of the spectrum. I know how destructive it is to hear "You have such a pretty face, if only you would lose (insert poundage here)" I have been guilty of telling my son not to eat unhealthy food that his father eats (ie: soda, chips, candy) because I want him to be healthy.

I don't eat unhealthy food, but I am overweight so I try to lead by example. I also exercise with my child and I let him know that he is helping me when we exercise, he is making my lungs stronger.(something we could never truly accomplish with the sarcoid, but strive for anyway)

I have embarrassed my son accidentally, I am mortified when I do it. I don't know if your mom is the same way.

Here is to somewhat enlightened moms who try their best, and to size XXL.


Hope&laughter said...

Totally daughter perspective. Can we add that parents never think what we do is good enough? Or have you done that already? Ex. in school would get an A, instead of saying Good Job I would get why can't you get those ALL the time from my parents. Another ex. graduated from college and got my career started, parents said so why don't you have a boyfriend. I swear if I actually manage to get married (still no boyfriend), instead of hearing congratulation I would get so grandbabys?

K, so just blowing off some steam.

enolan said...

As much as my heart goes out to that poor guy you saw, I have to admit it was a tiny bit refreshing ot know that it's not just us ladies that get that treatment! (because all those sitcoms where big fat slobs are married to tiny beautiful ladies and other examples of that nature would have you think otherwise!

Domestic Chicky said...

Why some parents choose to throw barbs like that at the very people who they love the most baffles me...

I've just spent the last hour devouring your blog, and I am now an addict-thank you for such an engaging story...

adventure grrl said...

Anonymous - I still blame the media, especially the way it's getting to kids so early but I would also say as a parent, if a kids needs to lose a few pounds BELIEVE ME, THEY KNOW IT! They do not need to hear it from you. "You" the parent need to be the safe place.

Thanks, Melly. Your comments are ALWAYS so spot on!

Susan - your math is so TRUE! Way to break it down!

Laura, you are awesome and I always feel bad that I might be making the Moms out there feel terrible about my posts! I think it's awesome you are doing is getting him into exercising. Boys grow fast and can burn those calories... my parents thought my sister was overweight at 12 and denied her snacks even as we were eating desert. Cut to a life long issue with food and weight. Hopefully he can have a snack every now and again because depriving them only makes them want it more and eventually, he'll have access to all that stuff anyway. So better to balance and then you'll have no guilt.

Hop&Laughter - Your comment made me chuckle because I relate. With my parents they are a heat seeking missle to whatever is lacking in my life. But we have to be responsible, too. Now I say things (to the boyfriend question): "Same as the last ten times you asked. How about instead of you always asking, if I just tell you when I'm dating?" I'M THE NEW AND IMPROVED BOUNDARY GIRL!

Enolan - Yes! Nothing I hate more than big fat slobs on TV with Hot TV wives. Gimme a break.

Domestic chicky! Thanks for stopping in. We love new readers!

TwinkleTwinkle said...

Ya know, I remember when i was like 12, i went up north to stay with my grandmother at her camp ground. i was having really bad allergies and it turns out that i had back-pain from the medication i was on for allergies. my OBESE aunt was there and she told me that i need more exercise and that i was a kid and shouldnt be sitting around and blah blah. i was thinking, um, at least i dont need to drive my van to get down a half block. what is with hypocritical over-weight people?!!?

i really liked this entry. it made me laugh :)

adventure grrl said...

Twinkletwinkle - glad you could relate! Did you read what Melly said? "...for everything that your Mother (or anyone) says, just imagine she's telling it to herself - because that's usually who it applies to the MOST. :)"

Anonymous said...

Hi Adventure Grrl,
I didn't mean to mislead you into thinking we are perfect clean eaters, my son goes through about a box of waffles with syrup daily, but like you said he burns it quickly. He has very strong muscles (I am so jealous, and proud at the same time). I take him rollerblading and he skates like lightning. I eat mostly clean because of the steroids, I have seen what happens to people who don't and it looks a lot bigger than I am and I am not small.

I am actually terrified of the other side of the spectrum with my son, I don't want him to not eat enough, kids today get very strange with the body issues. I get scared when I see him cut back on what he eats. I go out and try to encourage him to eat. I try to fill the house with his favorite and my husband will get mad because I spoil him.

I wish we lived in some enlightened time and place where the size of someone's pants is not an issue. My family keeps telling me my cat is fat and I keep telling them she is happy and still fits into her pants so lay off.

P.S. sorry about the rambling, very tired!!

Michele said...

I love this post. I want to kiss it.

Searching for THE ONE said...

LOL, my grandmother does this to me all the time. And while that bothers me, she also does it to my cousin who is 12 and not over weight, but pudgy. She can still grow out of it.

Oh and My grandma is about 4'9" and weighs 250lbs!

Jade said...


I loved this post! I actually LOL'ed :D

I also have these imaginary convos with strangers that involve imaginary future scenarios. It makes life more fun.

Kallzor said...

I found this blog after (quite sadly for me) googling 'overbearing mother' after despairing at my own.

The line about the 'ruin your child's self-esteem in ten easy steps' manual fucking cracked me up hey; I think you just improved my evening!