Friday, July 11, 2008

The Weekly Rantings of a Delightful Lunatic


I feel like writing something fun. My friend does the best rants. THE BEST! He hates everything but the great part is he can totally justify it. He's not so much complaining (I HATE COMPLAINERS) as unburdening himself. The thing about him too, he is literally, the most stress-free person I know.

So, I think he's on to something. Maybe if we all ranted and just completely got off our chests the things that are taxing our minds, then we could be stress free, too.

So, here are my rants for the week:

THE TIP JAR - Can we talk about the tip jar? It's at every Starbucks, every sandwich shop, my friend even says there is one at his dry cleaner. It never really bothered me. BUT NOW IT'S MAKING ME CRAZY. Where it really makes me insane is at Starbucks which gives it's employees stock options and benefits. And on top of that, they want a dollar tip on my $2.00 coffee.

Um... no. And to drive home my point, I am now walking around with my own tip jar. YEAH, that's right, I am. Here's my thought process. The economy is in the crapper. Right now, when I come in for a cup of coffee, I am keeping you working. So technically, you should be tipping me for your job.

Too harsh?

ICE COFFEE - And while we're on the topic of coffee shops, why is it that the price of ice coffee is 30-50% more than regular coffee? They fill the whole cup with ice so technically you are getting HALF the amount of coffee for MORE money.

You know what I do? I ask for a hot coffee and then a cup of ice on the side and then I defiantly mix my coffee and ice together. Sometimes, I bring my own big cup. Who has time to think of these things? I do.

PEOPLE WITH STROLLERS - This might be an unpopular one because you thought I was so nice and then I revealed my somewhat strong dislike of children. I just don't understand when a couple is walking towards me with their stroller and I have the right of way, why I have to get out of the way. Also, babies are messy and they cry.

PEOPLE WHO TALK ON THEIR CELL PHONES IN COFFEE SHOPS - I'm trying to drink my three dollar coffee! (Yes, I tipped a dollar even though I didn't want to.)

PEOPLE WHO RIDE VESPAS - That's cute that you're saving on gas and stuff but 1) You don't look like you remotely know how to drive that thing and 2) If I hit you, I might laugh a little.

PEOPLE THAT NOTICE ME NOT PICKING UP MY DOGS'S POOP - If I wanted to pick it up, I wouldn't be pretending to look the other way.

Wheeeeeewwwww! Do I feel better. So now I want to let your fingering rip over that key board and gimme your rants.


This blog is dedicated to meat ball pizza.
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21 comments:

adventure grrl said...

PS, you guys! Thanks for all the awesome comments about me getting back to the gym. The encouragment and support means so much. xoxoxo

Julie said...

Umm, meatball pizza...ANY pizza sounds good right now. I just wanted to de-lurk to say that I love your blog.

Surfergrrl said...

Love it. So true. The thing that REALLY bugs me about people with strollers is when they take their kid to really crowded music festivals and they try to get through the crowd with that thing...then they often clip your heels with it as you're walking. Look, i understand that you're a music fan, but I never held a gun to your head and said, "take off the condom" and have babies. You had the kid, now stay home and watch the concert on DVD. NOT my problem! \endrant. whew! feel so much better!

thesleepycat said...

Adventure grrl! I haven't commented in ages, but I just wanted to let you know that I've just spent awhile catching up on your posts, and I am so happy that you're enjoying and pushing yourself in the gym class! that rocks SO much!

but I have to say this entry is my favorite. I think if people just ranted like that more - in their journals, in a letter, in a blog, to a friend - the world would be so much better. because sometimes you just need to get those energies and feelings OUT! I find that when I keep it all bottled-up that's when I turn back to something I've been struggling for a few years with - binge eating.
Just tonight I was feeling pretty binge-y, even though I already had dinner, and had started to reach my hand in the cereal box a bit. Plus I was already kind of discouraged since I ate ice cream earlier. But then I was determined to distract myself so I thought about your blog and visited it, and read this fantabulous entry! Thank you!

My rants:
PEOPLE WHO LOVE DOGS AND DISLIKE CATS. arrghh! dogs are so annoying and noble and mans best-friend-ish and loud and they slobber all over you and bark and are so eager. Cats are adorable and lie in the sun and are all fluffy and have this great alert, sneaky and independent attitude. lol.

NEW AGE PEOPLE. arrghh! Now this might sound kind of hypocritical since i've always been 'spiritual' as well as a vegetarian, but I just get so sick sometimes of seeing people in baggy zen-designed flowy outfits with all of these piercings living in vans or whatever. I want to force them into showers and into ironed polo shirts. lol.

GHETTO DANCE MOVIES. umm.. GET A NEW PLOT!!! it's been done like a bazillion times: Feel The Noise, Stomp the Yard, Save the Last Dance (1+2), Take the Lead, How She Move, Step Up (1+2), Honey... etc. GRRRR!!

this post might have made me sound completely psycho made I feel tons better! thank you and keep on keeping on girl!

thesleepycat said...

but it made me feel tons better **

clearly its been a long day xD

Anonymous said...

haha, this was a great post! my mom and i had a longgg rant the other day about tip jars, because we saw one in subway. Doing your job, which youre already being paid for, really doesn't require a tip! ahhh. haha so thanks for the laugh!
xox

Anonymous said...

I AM PEEING MY PANTS. Thank you.

Sabine

thegoodnamesaretaken said...

I have serious issues with strollers. People always have them at the outdoor market and there are so many people that they're always clipping my heels. Ouch! Stop that!

GoGo said...

Seriously, the most fantastic blog ever, I peed my pants reading this :) !!!!

Anonymous said...

Can I rant a little? This post made me nearly cry laughing. I'm a lurker, I suppose, but I can't help myself (margarita-fueled comment, here I come): Anyone who asks where your boyfriend is. Those people, even if they are your mother or your sister (or your grandmother, for that matter), need to be slapped. Double points if they know FULL WELL that you are a single gal/guy.

Btw, meatball pizza sounds super delicious. I'm in Minnesota....not sure where I could find a pizza with meatballs anywhere near it....

TwinkleTwinkle said...

oh goodness. ive got one for you. but first, let me add, that show John and Kate + 8, where they have 8 kids, u should see THEIR strollers. they are like TANKS coming at you. wowie. ok anyway. my rant: people who block your way in the isle at a totally packed super market on a sunday afternoon. i let the old ladies have the right of way, of course, but HONESTLY. Its the end of the isle where they keep the stuff on sale, especially cereal, and there are people who have their shopping carts horizontally parked on a 2 lane street (i mean super market isle) and they are standing there, oblivious, trying to figure out how many calories is in a cup of Honey Bunches of Oats. and there are 10 people behind me, bumping into my ass with their carts, thinking the same thing.

why do all the crazies come out on sunday anyway? isnt that the day to rest?

cl-pooh1972 said...

Hey TwinkleTwinkle - ya ever see that show? Why does Kate think she should be "Martha Stewart neat"? Girlfriend got 8 kids, there is clutter now till the day she dies.

My other rant is children in restaurants. I get so tired of hearing them scream and carry on like they are untamed animals. Don't parents teach table manners anymore? I can understand a baby. And they can be quiet if mom and dad pay attention and feed them. But toddlers are more than a notion.

OK, rant over.

Kimmie said...

Adventure grrl!!

Okay, I'm finally out of my lurking mode...just wanted to say before my rant--how much I've truly enjoyed reading your thoughts. I stumbled upon your blog from who knows where, but have been a fan since. Maybe it's cause I can relate, not specifically through situations, but perhaps thoughts and feelings (having been fat, etc...btw, I still have fat girl syndrome after YEARS of being overweight). So, thank you, thank you, thank you!

Okay, on with the rant...

Strollers: check. WTF? Really, I can't even count how many times I've been rammed by these! Try disneyland--the worse place ever for strollers! Parents really USE these to get through, it's sooo annoying!!!!

AND

Grocery stores and carts: check. I nearly died laughing. Seriously, I consider myself extremely patient, but something comes over me when I'm at the market--particularly the Asian Market--you don't even know. It's hell on wheels. No one says "excuse me" or EVER moves their cart. They run into you, park their carts across the aisle so you can't get through, and when you finally do say "excuse me", they look at you like you're from another planet. WTF?!!!

Okay, those are the two, thank goodness I rant all the time--that's probably why I, like your friend, stay pretty damn stress free and zen-like...some things just don't bother me as much as they used to anymore, that is...after my five minute bitching session.

xo Kimberley

Two Date Diva said...

I hate the pitiful looks you get from coupled up people who feel bad for you because you are single. Makes me want to run over them with my car.

RadoMom said...

Here's my rant...
-Let me preface this - I'm full of PMS and had the in-laws in my house for the past two weeks.
I say this with love....

LAY OFF PEOPLE WITH STROLLERS! I promise you, parents hate those strollers more than you do.
Try carrying the Mother F'er around all day. Trust me... NO parent WANTS to load up the kids in those things, be as polite as we can going through the stupid mall, winding around all the skinny bitches, 15 year olds and stroller haters, while trying to keep our kids from annoying you.
I guarantee anyone who is at the mall, grocery store or, god forbid out to dinner with their kids, it's not by choice! It's because sometimes we need to get our shit done too and there was no else to watch the kids.
...Also, toddlers ARE wild animals, have you ever tried teaching a hyena how to sit quietly through dinner? Table manners and toddlers do not belong in the same sentence. Sometimes we're just too damn tired to do the dishes.
Okay, sorry! I love you all! Just remember some of us stroller mom's are doing the best we can.

= ) -Radomom

TwinkleTwinkle said...

cl-pooh1972, I do watch the show and shes scary. like my mom. she said she HAND WASHES her hard-wood kitchen floor 5 TIMES A DAY, that is on her hands and knees!! now thats crazy.

sorry to take over your blog comment section teehehe!!

p.s. as for the Asian market, my boyfriend is Chinese, and i go to Chinese restaurants and to Asian markets and you are ABSOLUTELY right, there's no excuse me. ever. and its almost the same in Germany now that i think about it...

adventure grrl said...

All your comments are soooo hilarious. We have sufficently P.O.'d the Moms though although I will say, RadoMom's comments put me in my place! "Toddlers are wild animals! Have you ever tried teaching a hyena how to sit quietly through dinner?" - love it. Sometimes us "Smug Singles" need to be put in our place :)

Robbie said...

I only ever tip places that I regularly go to (except for restaurants, that all depends on the service)
I'm with you, I don't see the point of tipping for a single cup of coffee. If I go somewhere often enough then I'll start to tip there.

PS I was thinking about getting a Vespa (or similar scooter that doesnt cost as much) You're not going to be driving around South Spain anytime soon? I'd hate to be hit by a laughing driver.

Lola said...

Today as I'm sitting in the dentists office holding a frozen lemon to my cheek (hey, it's easier to hold than frozen peas, and the crown I'd cracked was killing me) two self-absorbed lunatics are carrying on conversations right under the bloody "Please Turn Off Your Cell Phone" sign. UGH!! What is it with these people who think the rest of us want to hear about Aunt Berties bowel movements or the problems Mr. I'm Too Sexxy For My Cell is having with his new Lexus? GET OVER YOURSELVES ... take your calls in private or shut up and suck up my running (sometimes rude) commentary on your conversations. If they don't wanna hear me, I shouldn't have to hear them!

Oh, I feel so much better. Thanks for that.

Seriously though, glad to see you're on the road to YOU again. Always a pleasure following your adventures!

Lola

Paige said...

You blog is so FUNNY! I get so upset when I check it and there's not a new post... I'm a little obsessed.

Broken Barn Industries said...

Effing tailgaters. Have they NEVER been in a car accident? Do they not realize that I can totally do that exorcist thing with my neck at stoplights?