Monday, August 4, 2008

I Dreamed I Was Making Out With The Italian Delivery Guy

You should have seen the Food Delivery Guy that came a knockin' on my door! He was so gorgeous that I could barely wait 24 hours before I ordered again. Here I am house sitting at this awesome house and now my life is like something out of a porno.

So I order a salad... that's what skinny girls eat. Sure enough, 30 minutes later, he rings the bell. Actually, as my friend can attest, he didn't even ring the bell, it's like I could sense his car was winding up the street and I flew out the front door and down the stair case with all the single dollar bills I could find.

$31.00 is a good tip on an $8.00 salad, right?

I open the door, cute outfit, cute hair, lip gloss. He smiles.

"That'll be $8.45, M'am."


He recklessly "M'am'd" me. Which means, to him, I most closely resemble his mother, grandmother or wacky aunt with a boxy ass. I knew I should have taken that Retin-A when my doctor offered it.

Dream over.

I paid him. And then I stole his pen. (I did think of hitting him over the head with my salad... but I had to maintain my dignity somehow.)

I took the bag up to the house, looked inside and he didn't even bring me any bread. Why did he keep hurting me like this????

Ugh, when you want bread this much, I think it means, it's time to start dating again.

This blog is dedicated to starting over.


Jill said...

I just laughed so hard that everyone is my office is looking at me. You're hilarious.

Britney said...

You're crazy, that made me LMAO! Go get him!

GoGo said...

Next time, throw that salad down and pin him to the ground. And yes, I sent this post to a million friends!

Julia said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog... You are my inspiration for so much. Keep on keepin' on. :)

Robbie said...

You can get salad delievered? WOw that's pretty crazy

Anonymous said...

Haha. I enjoyed this story. Next time, he better bring the bread though or else!

Julie said...

You should have called them back to make him deliver the bread! Another chance to swoon over him! But, yes, it does sound like it might be time to jump into the dating pool again. May you find handsome dolphins and no sharks!

Anonymous said...

I hate to admit it, but I am a sir and ma'am-er. I sir and ma'am everyone. Even my noodle ... she is 8 and I ma'am her!

Lisa said...

I think you need to put in your Adventure bowl "Make out with Hot Italian delivery guy." If you do, I will too!

Ginny said...

This really made me laugh - you are crazy, girl! Thanks for always providing a good laugh when needed!

Obsessedwithlife said...

Thanks for the comment! I've been reading but just have been lazy about commenting. You always make me smile-sounds like you've been having some fun :). GOOD!


TwinkleTwinkle said...

hahaha i totally laughed out loud with this one. kinda like this: LOL!

serves him right to get his pen stolen! how DARE he ma'am u!?!?!

Michelle J said...

Your funny!!!!

myself said...

Reer hot delivery men are a good thing.

Unless they m'am you.

Nope. Not so much!

debbiedoesraw said...

Oh girl, you made me laugh and yes, I will send this on to my gal pals!
hope you are not sweating your patootie off in this humid heat!

hope&laughter said...

Oh How I miss reading your blog. You've just made me happy to be home.