Here's the deal... the adventure that I picked from my Adventure Bowl is to go hot air ballooning. I can't wait! The thing is, I am so crazy busy, there is no way I can do it now. I mean, I could if the hot air balloon had Wi-Fi so I can work on my laptop. But I'm just guessing that will take away from the experience.
So instead, I'm going to write something fun and light AND will involve a contest where there will be cash and prizes. Okay, not cash... I just liked the way "cash and prizes" sounded. Like a real game show.
And technically, it's just "prize" and not "prizes" so I'm basically a big ol' tease.
Lately, I've been addicted to Facebook, mostly fascinated by how INSANELY personal some people's status updates are. Really? You want your boss (and other potential bosses) to know, "I really shouldn't have gotten black out drunk the last four nights."
That one is for real.
How about, "I really want more of what I got last night. Mmmmm." Yeah, we know you're not talking about Christmas chocolates. You're a whore. I'm sure a very nice whore. But still a whore.
So this is the contest, I want each of you to make up the most ridiculously funny, inappropriate and outrageous Facebook status report you can. The one that makes me and my friend S, who is a comedy writer too, laugh so hard we pee our pants a little, WINS.
The prize, it's gonna be good... bath stuffs. If you're a guy, not bath stuffs. Maybe a canned ham, instead. Maybe some old thing in a my apartment I just want to get rid of... like a naughty Chihuahua.
Kidding, ya can't have him.
Okay, you have until Wednesday, December 17, 5:00 PM (PST) to come up with the best-est one you can. Multiple posts are okay.
Here are some of the ones I made up:
FACEBOOK STATUS
1) is freaked out that she dirty danced with her uncle at the wedding last night.
2) just learned the dangers of mixing white wine and Xanax at the company Christmas party.
3) drunkenly shaved off my eye brows last night and I am FREAKING out.
4) just slashed my ex-boyfriend's tires. Oh, well! Maybe he shouldn't have slept with that slut he works with.
5) thinks the guy I took home last night might be dead. Blue lips aren't good, right? Oh, hey! Anyone up for chocolate chip pancakes?
Good Luck. I can't wait!!!!
This post is dedicated to chugging cappuccinos and exciting deadlines.
21 comments:
surfergrrl is happy that the vaginal burning and itching is definitely NOT herpes, so (insert name) can rest easy.
oh i went there...I DID!
Oh man. People put up such ridiculous things on facebook! I actually find the photos to be more horrifying. I do not want to see you totally drunk and half naked making out with a stranger you don't remember.
I was trying to come up with things for the contest but they were coming out more sad than funny so I'll have to come back if I think of anything good.
AC is glad that she is finally down to 100 mg of zoloft daily.
AC is worried her ex will find out how much time she spends looking at his profile.
AC is happy no one saw her eat an entire Deep n' Delicious cake at 4 am.
Adventuregrrl: your blog inspired me to start my own. I tried to send you the link before, but I had to take it down because it was too personal. Anyways, I think I've fixed it. check it out if you feel like it (others are welcome too!): http://hipstersguidetolife.blogspot.com/
cheers! ac
A few for now.. but I'll be back! :)
...Melly has no intention of wearing underwear to the office holiday party, since they'll be off more than they'll be on anyway.
...Melly is donate her Facebook Status to whomever can eradicate the horrific "Dominic the Donkey" Christmas song off the radio!
...Melly's fingers smell like cyber-sex!
LOVE THIS!!! Okay, I have to go think of one.
Charmaine is up at 3:00 a.m. watching How to Make a Fortune on Realestate Foreclosures on channel 13.
I'm not proud, I just don't have cable.
Hold up. I'd like to ammend my Facebook thingee.
Charmaine is up at 3:00 a.m. watching the infomercial "How to Make a Fortune on Real Estate Forclosures" wondering if it would be a sin to buy the handbook with her next Unemployment Check instead of buying food despite the fact that the guy selling the book looks like a 12 year old in glasses wearing a suit so cheap only a man who lived in a trailor would wear it.
Um Ya, that's it.
NS pops her kids in the mouth when they ask if Santa's coming. Someone's got to teach them about the harsh realities of life!
NS is in love with her proctologist.
NS totally lied to her best friend about whether she looks like Jabba the Hut...she really does!
NS is slippery when wet.
NS set fire to an abandoned warehouse last night. It's okay though because only homeless people hang out there and they don't count, right?
...finally did it. You know what I mean.
...is wondering if loving something so much is really an "addiction" that needs an "intervention."
...is googling "restraining order."
You guys are killing me! AWESOME.
OMG so much fun.
GT is making her list and checking it twice trying to find out who in San Francisco she has not slept with.
GT is considering getting knocked-up so she can get maternity leave...that should save me from being laid-off if the economy gets worse right?
GT is glad that the CHP did not check her glove compartment box when giving her a ticket today...something tells me he is not 420 friendly.
GT is glad she passed that breathalyzer test…phew no more drinking and driving.
i am so not creative enough for this...but I am having fun reading along :-) My facebook is really dull compared to soma y'all!!!
heres an actual one from today:
this is from 5:30am and its 6:42am right now and i still havent gone to sleep... im suppose to be studying for finals:
Natasha ... is Online Friends (0), No one is available to chat. what? no procrastination?!
heres one: Natasha served her friends strawberry daiquiri mix without the alcohol because she cant afford the Popov ... and watched them all think they were drunk.
i want to think of something funny SO BAD but i have a mental block... ill get back to u!
This is so fun! I have to leave a few more! :)
...seriously considered eating the yellow snow.
...is all sticky.
...thinks the infection is contagious and spreading. Oops! Sorry!
...needs to hide a lot of evidence, quickly.
!) got pregnant while in rehab, am so opposed to abortion but the guy might be on something.
2) passed out in the car in front of the ex's house, again. I really have to stop taking ambien.
3) during the conference call what I meant to say was "I have to many balls in the air" not " my ball just hit the floor" sheesh do you think they noticed
4) honestly no one told me the girls at the Do Da Cafe pee standing up or I wouldn't have brought her home. No I will have bacon with my eggs today thank you.
enough for now....
oh wait one more
5) pretty sure Carlos Mencia stole something from me while I was sleeping. just saying
you have the best blog!!!! okay, I want to put my head together with my friends. WE R SO GONNA WIN!!!
Melly rolls with the punches. Until that bitch is begging for mercy from the floor.
Melly is Mmm Mmm Good. With rice.
Melly pleads Not Guilty in who finished the tub of Edy's Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream. She also doesn't care about the spoon in the sink with lipstick on it.
Melly believes in Santa Claus. She also believes it would be in his beset interest to show up with a smaller waistline for her!
I find Facebook an awkward medium even without ridiculous status messages, and it's really embarrassing me just thinking these up. But anything for a good cause! I must preface this by saying I do not and never have known anyone who would write status messages like these:
... is suffering from explosive diarrhea. She asks that you not block her way to the ladies' room, or you'd better hope it's not contagious.
... wonders if his girlfriend will find out he wasn't wearing protection the last few times... Does anyone know how far apart periods can be?
... is researching "medical" marijuana. It's legal in this state, right? Just wondering...
... is hoping his wife will still sleep with him after she finds out he canceled their anniversary trip for a golfing tournament. Pleeeeease honey?
... has an itch in an unmentionable place, but doesn't want to scratch it for fear of stinky fingers.
... needs to know if anyone can tell her who she went home with last night and where he lives, and, um, can you come pick me up? This internet connection is great, though!
... thinks her house might be on fire. Quick, someone call 911!
Sweetie... totally agrees with Melly that "Dominic the Donkey" needs to be euthanized.
so I'm a little late, but I recently came upon your blog and I LOVE it. Thanks so much for your awesome posts, more laughter in my day, and mine doses of inspiration.
this post was hilarious
j
mini* not mine
wtf am I smoking (or not smoking) this morning.
Post a Comment