Thursday, May 27, 2010

Introducing the Most Selfish Person in the World or "How I Was Told My Cousin Has Brain Cancer & All I Could Think About Was Me"


I'm back you guys. Remember me? The girl who within six months, lost her job, broke up with her boyfriend, lost a cousin in an accident and Mom went bat shit crazy bananas.

Yeah, that's me.

The one who got under the covers of her cozy bed and did not get out for a looooooooooong time. Who, once she did and decided to face the holy mess of her life and SWORE, once she was out of the many months... okay, year, funk she was in, would never, ever, never, never go back?

Still me?

So why does my life suck so bad?

And why am I talking about myself in third person?

The regular readers know I started this blog because I swore I would not meet another year anniversary of the death of my cousin without doing something about it. The "it" was getting out of bed. I was so down - as a lot of women get after a break-up, a divorce, losing a job - that I had succumed to the covers, laying here, stairing down the abyss that was my life.

It became so overwhelming, all those bad things - happening at once - that I didn't know what to do.

So I did nothing.

If you're new, you can read the posts here that document how I got out of that. Once I couldn't take it anymore, once I had grown hair on my legs that I could braid, and grew a second ass (getting out of bed to pee is not exercise), and many months of roots were showing, and I missed the sunshine and I missed the old me and I knew if my cousin, mother, ex, anyone, saw me this way that I would be even more deeply ashamed...

I came up with a plan.

One day a week, do something totally fun. Completely exciting. That would make me giggle and feel reckless, and get me out of my comfort zone and get back to the me that was the me before everything came crashing down.

I would pool crash, I would steal from the dessert station from the Four Seasons, I would test drive a Porsche, I would sky dive, I would rock repel, I would crowd surf at a concert.

Week after week, I pulled one thing out of my "Adventure Bowl" and I did it - no turning back, no being to scared, no "I'll just pick something else."

It changed my life.

I got out of bed.

I came back to myself. My life massively improved.

Massively.

Everything was chugging along great. But it was so great that I didn't have to possibly do these adventures anymore. Right? My life was full now. Great job, friends, great everything.

The Bowl gathered dust.

I got cocky.

Like when you lose ten pounds because you exercised and ate five servings of vegetables everyday just like a good American following that food pyramid and all of a sudden, you start to slip and slide and soon, you are not packing lunch anymore and "I guess I could have a few fries" and why have a diet soda when you could have beer and pretty soon a sensible breakfast isn't egg whites but a cheese and onion bagel with cream cheese.

(Which is currently what I am eating right now. And even the server didn't get it. Why would I want cream cheese when I'm already eating a cheese bagel? Skinny people don't understand me.)

Anyway, I slipped and then I slided.

And then one day, I found myself at the bottom of a hill, bloodied and unconscious, after a fall. Being lifted out by fire men. And after being bedridden for over a month, I wondered, maybe if I didn't give up those adventures and maybe if I had stayed connected to myself, maybe I would know how to deal with a life blow like this.

Only I didn't.


To Be Continued in the Next Post...

I promise to update this story tomorrow - with full details about how I fell down a hill, broke my shoulder, found out my cousin has brain cancer and my Mom got sick again and how I am going to rededicate myself to the big ol' Bowl of Adventure and get my life back on track again.
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41 comments:

Heather said...

I'm still here and I'm still a big fan of you.

Welcome back to the blogworld. I've missed you and your stories!

jennl777 said...

I'm here, and I'M WAITING FOR THE REST OF THE DANG STORY!!! Sheesh. Talk about a tease... ;-)

SO glad you're back!!!

Brandi said...

So glad to see you back - I've missed the stories!

Babbalou said...

I'm here as well and soooo glad you're back! I've added your blog back into my favorites, which I check each morning as I drink my coffee. I can't wait for your future posts!

Bully Mom said...

I have missed your blog so so soooooo much. I am so happy you are back.

Melly said...

Welcome back!

Jeesh... it's been a long time! :) You have a lot to catch up on, darling!

etoileblog said...

i have missed your posts.

Mari said...

I am so happy to have you back! When I got your email this morning, it totally made me smile...

I am definitely back as a reader and will tell everyone about you...

I actually started my own blog about a year ago =)

(btw you might remember me as lacey)

tonyadesigns said...

LIfe is not cured, it's managed. It's going to have major ups and downs, but glad you recognize the downs sooner so you don't go through what you went through before. Welcome back. Hope your blog helps you. -Tonya (formerly surfergrrl)

Anonymous said...

OMG! I am so thrilled you are back. Your writing has gotten me through some really tough times and I have so missed it. Yay!

debbiedoesraw aka grass fed momma said...

Oh How i have missed you! SO glad to see you writing and thanks for letting me know.. stay tuned, I have a a new blog up my sleeve, so I will have two YIKES.
love to you and tell us MORE!!!!!!!!!
deb xoxo

Charmaine said...

I might just join you in your next dive...into "da bowl". ewink

Tw!nkleTw!nkle said...

AG!!!

I'm back for another round of the Adventure Bowl! I'm so glad that you sent me a message, I can't wait to hear all about everything,

Still supportively yours,
Tw!nk

fd said...

reading again!

Skye said...

So glad to see you back!!! I posted to Fbook to tell everyone to read NOW!

myself said...

I'm still here :)hott

Ali said...

Hey!! Welcome back!! So good to see you blogging again!

SSP said...

Welcome back!! I have missed your wit and wisdom!! I don't twit, but I will follow, if I can figure out how to do it!!

adventure grrl said...

You guys make me so happy! Thank you, thank you :)

Cass said...

So happy to have you back!

Quix said...

Welcome back. Was excited to see a new post on my reader. :) Looking forward to more crazy stories...

BTW, you inspired me. I started my own adventure bowl type thing (mine is a magic hat) to do over holiday and then meant to keep it going but haven't. Although, I have been pretty adventurous in my own right without the magic hat.

the glitter kid said...

I was a dedicated reader and was really happy to see an email in my inbox saying you had written something new! Looking forward to Part II :)

RadoMom said...

Wooooo Hooooo! Your back, and I'm so glad. I'm ready to hear about someone else's crazy life besides my own. Can't wait to catch up = ) Radomom

ninsche said...

Wow, you're back :) I've always enjoyed your blog. So inspiring!

Angie said...

still here :) glad you're back on board!

Dragana said...

Glad to see you back, missed you! Waiting for the rest of the story here...

Carolyn said...

Welcome Back!!! Can't wait to see more posts!

vrm1920 said...

Thank you so much for what you wrote about how hitting the lowest of the low is necessary to make you stop and realize what needs to change. I've never seen it like that and I can say that the message turned my head and made me take action, hopefully in a good way. I'll see how it turns out.
THANKS

Nikki said...

HI! I'm here & so glad to be following you on this most worthy adventure. Much love. Nikki

A Living Diary said...

I'm glad you are back!!! I can't wait to hear the rest of the story.

And thanks for coming by my blog and letting me know you are still around. I still have you in my favorites:)

BaldyLocks said...

It's nice to see you back!

Peas&Carrots said...

Love, love, love your blog and I am so happy you are back.

Sparklehorse said...

Yay, she's back!!! I am so happy!

Jamie said...

I just discovered your blog after reading a tweet and I'm hooked! I already added you to my reader. You are an inspiration!

CL said...

Hey! I got your note that you were back... missed your stories. I was doing those adventures vicariously with you.

And you inspired me to shake off the dust and try something new - I'm in a career change and I LOVE IT!

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Sophie Heyen said...

I'm new :)
This blog looks cool and I love it :D

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one pound at a time said...

omg you're back! yippee! i had your blog tagged in my toolbar and checked it frequently for a while to see if you posted again and was just cleaning up the toolbar and was so happy to see you back. can't wait to read the rest. sounds like you've been going through life which is a constant roller coaster. welcome back!