Finally Arrived in NYC!

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams."

Ashley Smith

Cooper & Ruby enjoy the view and can't wait until their Mom gets a new camera...

What a crazy trip, two dogs, three huge suitcases but I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER.  Walked Brooklyn Bridget Park and sighed, "Why didn't I do this before?"

But no regrets.  I don't have internet yet but ducked into a cafe to say hi!

Here are some photos - I'll have a digital camera in a few days!

ALWAYS FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!

Finally Arrived in NYC!

Guess Who's Moving To NYC?

Me!

I guess these adventures do work.   This was the question I asked my self months ago:  "Could I do little dares, adventures... and THAT putting me in my most happy frame of mind, make the scariest decision of my life - to leave the comfort of Los Angeles for the ultimate adventure - a move to New York City.

The answer is YES.

I just booked my ticket this past Tuesday.

I leave this Tuesday.

Can you believe it?  I hardly can. :)  Yet, I feel so insanely happy, excited, peaceful, certain, hopeful, ready, surprised by my spontanaity.

I keep hearing, "Yes, yes, yes!"

I know I owe you all a blog that explains how this all came to be.

It will be up on Wednesday - it's 24/7 packing until Tuesday!  

I'm sorry I have been so absent but I love you all and I am going to get a digital camera so I can share my new life in New York with you :)

Yes.  Yes.  Yes.

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Guess Who's Moving To NYC?

Where I Will Now Lead My Life According To The Advice on A Beer Coaster

Over the years... I've gotten a lot of advice.  Of all of it, 3 things stick with me:  A boyfriend telling me I was too nice and available.  God that stung.  It stung up until the day when I realized it was totally and completely true and instead of being wounded by it, I could use it for my benefit.  To fight crime.  No, I'm kidding.  To not be a doormat.  

#2 When this awesome writer J gave advice about being a Hollywood writer (BUT I also APPLY this to LIFE and DATING:  "Never get bitter."  That is the death knell for anyone.  I meet a lot of bitter people out here, so angry for what they don't have that they can't see THEY HAVE EVERY THING.   Men and women friends who are still licking the wounds of past relationships.  (Is there someone you can't get over?  I am an expert in getting people over other people, so let me know in the comments section and I will DAZZLE you with my skills.)

#3 The other bit of advice came... maybe last Christmas.  I was sitting with my cousin M and sister E.  Matt lost his brother... that's the cousin I often refer to.  He also, a year later, lost his best friend.  However, the pulling himself up and dusting himself off, of embracing life and not dwelling in the past IMPRESSES ME of EPIC PROPORTIONS.  EPIC.

He is a great example to me.  After my cousin died he quit his save, cubicle job and said "F this, I'm going to live the life of my dreams."  Maybe he didn't exactly say that, I wasn't there.  I can only guess.

Then there's my sister who I love and I'm afraid of too.  In a funny way.  Because she has a "roar" like no one I have ever seen.  We went to see Cypress Hill (they were opening for the Foos and we wanted to be up front) at this outdoor fest and she saved me from being crushed.  I can just see me falling and about to be crushed and all of a sudden, instead of being 110 pounds, she's like The Hulk, reaching down and yanking me out of abyss.  

She does not take any shit.  She knows where she is going and she doesn't need to turn it over 5,000 different ways, I do.  Does anyone want to go to Thailand?  No?  She goes by herself.   She is NOT a people pleaser.  She will give you THE PEP TALK OF YOUR LIFE but it will contain a lot of profanity and if you don't listen to her very sound advice, she will, when you ask for another pep talk 6 months later, stare at you... through you... until you are running down the street ready to jump in front of oncoming traffic rather than face her wrath.

So these two, my cousin, my sister and I are drinking pitchers of Budweiser and by the time we get to the 6th one, I say:  "Do you guys have any advice for me?  Like your lives are awesome and I just wonder if looking at mine from the outside, maybe you have some advice.

They looked at each other.  They are very close.  I know what they're thinking.  "We could tell you, but we're having fun right now.  And you crying after we tell you everything you are doing wrong, is going to make this LESS of a good time."  

P.S. I read minds.

But I lured them into it.  "Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaase."  I knew they were sufficiently softened up by the 6th pitch of beer.  When my sister started stealing the glasses we were drinking out of, I knew to go in for the kill.  (My sister and I like to steal or get into general mischief making if we are drinking).

So there they were... rattling off advice so fast that I was like, "Wait, wait, I have to write it down!"  So I grabbed some beer coasters and I did just that.  When I got back to LA I stuffed them in my lingiere drawer and just found them.  When I found them, I was gasping and laughing at the same time.  

These coasters.  That night.  Had I lived up to any of it?

HERE WE GO:

0)  (Yes, it starts with zero because later, they decided that there was something more import than 1)  "Money is gay."  My cousin said that.  I think he means, Money is "out" like caring about who is gay or not is "out".  I know, it's confusing.  But what he was trying to say is stop doing things for money and living in financial worry like a hostage instead of pursuing the life YOU WANT.

Score of how I'm doing this:  Hmmm... a 4 but I'm going to try harder.

1)  YOU HAVE TALENT and then in parentheses  it says "36 point font, all caps" - which is sweet, they said that not me.  They want me to believe that.

Score of how I'm doing this:  2... Man, I wish I found these coasters waaaaaaaaaaay before this

2) Stop living in the past.  Yes, they are aware that I relive too many of the nightmares, people in our family dying, getting sick.  But I think I'm doing better with this.  When I was out on that Jet Ski with 2nd best friend, I did this thing that I was too afraid to mention, lest I be thought of as utter

Where I Will Now Lead My Life According To The Advice on A Beer Coaster

Adventure Bowl UPDATED With Sordid, Embarrassing Details Of Getting "Down There" Waxed

Scroll down :) The UPDATE is in purple, below

Good Lord, I cannot believe this was EVEN in the Adventure Bowl.  I am so embarrassed.   No, seriously... I know some people think this is "no big thing."  But for me, I am having a case of the "throw ups" right now thinking about it.

They make you put your legs over your head!  They come at you with hot wax.  Can you get some sort of airborne VD from doing this?  Ugh.  I would have killed to pick sky diving over this.  The ripping and the screaming... I can only imagine THERE WILL BE RIPPING AND SCREAMING!  

I'm just not big on... having "it," you know, my lady bits out there for someone to see.  I cringe at the gynecologist.  My gynecologist once even complimented my vagina in front of an intern and I swear I wanted to run in front of a truck from embarrassment.  

I know that's why I put this in the Adventure Bowl.  Because it is OVERLY WEIRD to be this concerned about getting your "ya know" waxed.  It is.  This is something, we do for ourselves... like a pedicure.  Right?  Right?  (smaller voice)  Right?

So should I prepare in any way?  Should I have a glass of wine?  I would like anesthesia, I will tell you that!  They should provide anesthesia the first time.  And all times after that.

Okay, today is the day I will take my waxing virginity.  If you have any advice or a funny story leave it in the comments.  In the meantime, I will be packing a bag of ice and a bottle of screw top wine. 

UPDATES START HERE:

What is going on with you ladies?  Why did each and every one of you NOT fly immediately fly to Los Angeles to save me from the CRAZY pain that is having your, um, you know AREA waxed????  I would have flown to you.  I would have have chained you to a very HEAVY piece of furniture or better, nailed you by your outfit to the floor.

They yanked EVERYTHING off.  Everything!  And while, I kind of love it... I'm not going to lie, it hurt only 2nd to having my shoulder dislocated.  Maybe not even 2nd, maybe 1st!  Because at least with the shoulder, I was in an ambulance and then soon after they shoved that shoulder back in at the hospital - THERE WERE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF DRUGS.  (And a set of free slippers).

Okay, I'm not going to get graphic (yes I am).  But stuff is fragile down there.  And pouring hot wax all over it and then yanking, the yanking!  Good Lord.  It never stops.  They just keep going, even if you are SCREAMING.  

And there were tears because IT HURT.   But the waxer don't stop.  She just keeps going.  Like they're torturing a POW or something.  Yes, I saw her wry smile.  This was making her day.  She loved me wriggling around all helpless and trying to get away from her.

"You can stop if you like."  No, I would not like.  I mean, I would but I can't think of anything worse than this job only half way done.  And also it was that challenge, like I was a big baby (which I was) and if I'm challenged on something, I can't back down.

My pep talk to myself:  "Okay, Loser, man up.  You got staples in your head with no anesthesia but you can't even-- (YANK!)  Owwwwwwwwwww."  (Tears).

And the worst part... we're supposed to tip these people.  With money.   

So for any of you going to do this, drink a lot of wine, don't wear jeans and know that I'm very "anti-pain" so don't let my experience deter you in any way.   Because you will look pretty and feel sexy in the end.  

But you might also have nightmares for years.  LOL 

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Adventure Bowl
UPDATED With Sordid, Embarrassing Details Of Getting "Down There" Waxed

Where a Quote From Ernest Hemingway Blows Me Away

"Never mistake motion for action."  Ernest Hemingway  

Wow.  Here's what I wrote on my Facebook for 100 Days in Bed...  

"Whoa... this is me, I think I will blog about it tonight. I AM moving but am I getting enough done? No. The chaos (distracting myself with ridiculous errands and list making, etc.) serves me because I am in "big decision making" time and I'm scared. But if I'm frantically busy with nonsense then I won't HAVE to concentrate the "real" and "necessary." So... I will put up a post later about this. Anyone feel the same?

Do you distract yourself with busy work as a way to push the bigger decisions out of your mind?"

Part 2

So here I am.  Very aware that in order not to focus on things that would be BIG LIFE DECISIONS, I distract myself with things are not as equally as important in the moment.  I want to go live in New York for a bit of time to see if that is where I would like to live.

The idea was to be there by Sept. 15.  Then I got a big meeting.  The date September 13.  Hmmm.  I mean, I can't put off meetings that are about my lively hood but I wonder... what will come up next?  Another meeting, another series of meetings?  In getting ready for these meetings, I often do 40 - 60 hours of preparation to pitch a show.  

But it began to dawn on me, I could, by that time, be very deep into writing the script and have that handed out.  Is that the better decision?  Will I make that decision?  When?

Because I know what's going to come, "Can we move the meeting?"  Or "We like it, can you come back the 1st of October and we'll discuss it at length?"

For me, writing is my love and that's what I want to do.  But I don't love this city.  I'm quite bored with it.  Bored sounds so arrogant... "This city bores me."  No... it's just that I KNOW BETTER now.  There is a bigger life out there for me than just sitting around and talking about TV show ratings, what the Networks are "looking for."

Now, I've tried to infuse my life with things that are greater than me.  Donating blood and getting tested for being a donor for a bone marrow transplant.  Then I got involved with promoting an organization that helps kids with severe burns go to camp.  I'm "Love Bombing" people.  Have you heard of that?  Check out their website.

So I am trying to counteract the things I don't like about this city by doing things that I think separate me from LA.

But still, I'm off track... I know what decision I have to make - "motion is not action."   I did not know that.   Man, have I been fooling myself.  Redoing my bedroom and living room and taking pics in hope someone will sublet STILL does not get me to New York.  It's all this movement "Move the couch this way, should I get more plants, you this couch makes the living room look so much bigger..."

It's all meaningless until I say, "I'm going" and if meetings come up, I fly back for them.

My sister is in New York.  I'm certain that she has flown to Vegas and bet against me.  She knows I put work first, myself second.  She listens to my "plans" and just says, "yeah" and "that's nice."  She doesn't think I'm coming.

I WANT TO.  I just have to stop the nonsense and the distractions and MAKE A REALLY DECISION WITH A REAL DATE.  

Fear, change, out of my element, leaving my friends, finding out that moving to a new city is still not the answer, confusion, excitement, don't want to have any regrets...

 

Have any of you made big life changing decisions?  How was it?  Is all my hand wringing normal?  What do you do when you need to make a big decision?  xoxoxo

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Where a Quote From Ernest Hemingway Blows Me Away

Sort of ;) Wordless Wednesday

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." - Carl Jung

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Sort of ;)
Wordless Wednesday

"If You Look At Me Like I'm Fat I'm Going To Kick You In The _____"

Any big butted girls out there? Oh, there you are reading this, arm in the air? No, no, put the cream cheese bagel down and let's have a soul to soul.

I was rereading some old blog posts and much to my... kind of horror/shock, there is A LOT of anger about diets, dieting and well, my mother the Olympic champion dieter/denier of food who somehow has always stayed the same teeny-tiny size.

Must be all that dieting advice and mailing jump ropes to her daughters that burns off those unwanted calories! (See ANGER. There is is again!)

I don't know what I gained when I was going through the worst turmoil ever and isn't that when we gain it? TV and movies tell us we hole up with a carton of ice cream and never ending pizza delivery and sit around in our eating pants. (Okay, I did sit around in my eating pants, i.e., I don't think I wore anything but sweat pants for two years).

For me, it was not that reckless. I just ate things that I call "slow down" food, you know, food that slows you down, gives you no energy, goes directly to your buttocks but you can't really tell 'cause you're wearing "eating pants" the great denier of weight gain! Sometimes it was bagels and cream cheese and maybe I'll have pasta for dinner. I just didn't care. A pastry from 7-11 was about as fancy as going to Paris' Café des Deux Magots because hey, I GOT OUT OF BED. It was monumental! But not the right thing to eat...

Not if you are going to lead the sedentary lifestyle of a hibernating bear. Which I was. And very well, by the way. If Kennedy Center Honors had an award for "Excellence While Lying in Bed" then certainly, I would be front and center, flanked by fellow honorees Chita Rivera and James Earl Jones. Though, instead of evening wear, I would be donning a Snuggie as this is already way past my bed time.

I am about to share some deep truth with you now. Thirty pounds, that's all I wanted off. I think I might have lost 10 or 12 or 15 at some point, but after I fell down the hill and busted up my shoulder... I didn't care. It was back to bed for me. Not caring, not eating right, certainly not exercising. And being in a brace, in a hospital gown that I could not get out of because said brace was strapped OVER it for three weeks and just all in all hopped up on happy pills made me not care what I was eating.

I was, in fact, just eating whatever neighbors and friends brought to my door. Someone brought a cake. What??? But kind of brilliant. I had cake for lunch for about ten days. (Yes, I know, I'm ridiculous!)

So what made it all click? What was the turning point? How did I lose thirty pounds? Why am I procrastinating telling you when I turned a corner and "got it" and started eating right and going back to the gym?

Because I wish it came from me. Some inner fire from me to be healthy to want to be strong to love myself more. Or even Oprah, it could have come from Oprah and I would be walking tall instead of feeling ashamed and a bit like a cliche.

It was because I saw my ex. Bumped into him. And he was kind and gracious and sweet and very worried about my fall. He didn't look at me like I was hideous. That might be because, I had a feeling I might see him and emailed him, "Listen, I've gained a lot of weight since I last saw you and if you look at me like I'm fat, I'm going to kick you in the balls."

Really. I sent that email. That's me, using my humor to get out of something I thought would be deeply humiliating. Only I can confess to you guys how I tried to cover up my "fattage" with some kind of voluminous cardigan and a spray tan and maybe if the boobs are up and out, he won't notice so much.

Honestly: I don't want him back, I don't. I broke up with him and all those reasons are never going to change. But seeing him symbolized my deep desire to stay away from people I hadn't seen in a while because of having grown an extra ass. And not only that, but I want to date and makeout with someone and have them find me attractive as I want to find them attractive.

So maybe this all this started four or five months ago. I thought about calling this piece: "Why Diets Suck." Because I truly believe they do. I believe diets are so wrong and so self-punishing and so restrictive that I, me, you, someone we know, only needs to be on one for 3 days before she's hoarding "Ding Dongs" in the bathroom.

What I did... I started making breakfast, that sets off the whole day. If I eat breakfast, I eat less all day. I like eggs. I started adding veggies with everything. The more veggies you eat the fuller you are. So in the morning it wasn't just eggs, it was eggs & spinach or eggs & broccoli. Lunch was just more of the same, trying to make choices that are right and if they are not right, eat half and then have the other half vegetables or fruit (carrots, carrots with hummus, apples, apples with peanut butter, salad, sauteed anything green with garlic).

Dinner - I became a world renowned Michelin 4 star soup maker. Bulked it up with greens. Yum. My sister called my soup, "Life Altering Soup" as in "Can you make some of that "Life Altering Soup?" And this was all just trial and error and having fun with food and could I make lasagna with no pasta and have it be amazing?

Why YES, YES I could.

And the gym, you must move. Though I did not move a lot. Sometimes just 2x a week. I need to start kicking that up a bit. For the jiggly bits.

And it's not like I did not fail sometimes -- fail being a word I hate... let me rephrase, it's not like I was perfect. I had the egg rolls and Mmmm, pizza out with friends and oh my God, how I die for a margarita... or three, and with chips and salsa! Yes! Yes! I don't say no a lot. I just jump back on the next day and say Yes to more of the right things. When you are not beating yourself up, in diets and in life, YOU GET A LOT DONE.

If you have specific questions, ask in the comments section. I want to help if I can. The point is, when I noticed the older posts, I could not believe my anger and I could not believe the amount of blame I was laying or lying at someone else's feet. "You are to blame!"

No, I am to blame. The other thing I want to say is, if you have weight to lose, be kind to yourself. I have never been kind to myself but I am going to start today. If you aren't kind, believe me, you won't be able to let go of things and one of those things is your weight.

So, just know... you can do this, you can do anything you want. I refused to think of it as 30 pounds because it was too overwhelming and probably why I kept putting off starting. I decided to think of it as 5 pounds at a time. That's all. Hmmm, maybe I was kinder to myself than I thought.

There's a lot of, I don't know... shame in talking about weight gain. For me anyway. Because I sort of perceive it as being weak. But I'm just going to see that feeling and let it go. There, it's gone. I am on the right path. The adventures and being happier, I truly believe put me on that path. Yes, seeing an ex, ignited the flame, but being happier is what's kept me on the right path.

How much do you have to lose? What holds you back? And certainly, if you have a success story, I'd love to hear it!


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"If You Look At Me Like I'm Fat I'm Going To Kick You In The _____"

Adventure Bowl Change Somebody's Life

UPDATE 1: I know a lot of people don't read on the weekends but I will update this post tomorrow after the testing. Wish me luck!

UPDATE 2, Sunday: I am still speechless. Yesterday was amazing. Why did I wait so long? Why did I fear so much? I will write this as a full post tonight. THANK YOU everyone for your kind, supportive comments. You were deeply part of this Adventure.

Long but worth it. Money back guarantee.

First, I have to thank everyone who left comments with suggestions about how to change someone's life here, twitter or DMs. Thank you. The biggest theme was: give your time, you can do something small and it will make a difference.

I believe that. I know that. I practice that.

I donate magazines to a dialysis center (inspired by my Dad), clothes to the Downtown Women's shelter, food to the homeless. Save all my cans and bottles for that one guy who says "Hello" to me every night as I walk the dogs. He breaks my heart with his 8 year old son helping him. Care packages to a young girl fighting brain cancer.

I have so much.

But there is more to give.

The point of this Adventure Bowl is to do things that push me past my fears. Okay... what fears do I have? Commitment. Yes. That. It's why I never wanted to sign up to be a "Big Sister," even though I really freakin' wanna be a big sister. What if I'm not good enough? What if the girl is like, "You? But you're a mess?" That would be bad. And the whole commitment thing. Yeah.

Fear of seeing grief and pain up close which is why I have never worked with kids in hospitals. Listen, I don't like admitting this stuff. I have flaws, I am so flawed it's ridiculous. Oh, the things I could admit...

When my Dad was sick and my Dad was going to die if he did not get a kidney transplant and my Mom called his sisters and asked if they would be tested and they never called her back and she had no choice and it broke her heart--

To ask her kids to get tested. See if we would be a match for my Dad. I sat there that day in a Boston hospital and I listened to the doctor as he explained the process and looked over at my younger sister who seemed to be very involved with inspecting her nails. Their growth? Their cuticles?

They seemed of grave importance.

When he left I said to her, "Are you paying attention? Are you listening to what he is saying?" (Him of wanting to saw one of us open, root around and take one of our ORGANS). Yes she said. "I hope so. And God, I hope it's you." That's what I said.

I said it because I didn't want it to be me.

I was young. Younger. I was scared. I had already lived through his heart transplant and I did not want to see this. If I was not a part of it... I would not have to see it. Or feel it. Flawed. Bad daughter. Terrible sister.

Of course it was me. Have I ever mentioned this? Yes, they took that kidney out of me and yes, they sawed me in half and this was no laproscopic thing like they can do now.

If I am with someone new and they are kissing me and perhaps putting their hand on my back, and they can feel it or feel the ribs that are missing and ask, what's that about, "knife fight" I will say.

So here we are or were, yesterday and I pull, "Change Somebody's Life" from the bowl and I am scared by how vast and vague and slightly fantastical this is and "what will I do and what can I do? And I'd like it to also jive with something I have wanted to do but been to afraid to do.

I have always wanted to be a Bone Marrow Donor.

Because every hour, minute, second leading up to the kidney transplant, I was so f'ing scared. All the focus is on the person receiving the organ - AS IT SHOULD BE. But, if anyone had told me many, many weeks later, perhaps longer, that I would feel awesome for doing it... I would be back to my normal routine -- I would have never feared it. I would have gone into that surgery with a pure heart, instead of a fearful heart.

So... the bone marrow thing. It just... seeing my Dad get to be alive and seeing how... just how... what seemed so frightening (the transplant) was ultimately, the thing I am most proud of. It's shaped me as a person in ways, probably ways I don't even know. Because my testing phase was very long and arduous so I met a lot of people waiting for transplants.

Your heart breaks for them but opens too. You feel more compassionate. You vow to live your life differently - you are not hooked up to machines, your activities and abilities to do things are not limited. You are not going to treatment alone, you have love all around you.

I've been circling the bone marrow thing for a while but the fear would come in. Excuses: you have to drop everything if you are a match and do it, how would I do my job? Can I get a leave of absence? They might fire me. I hear it hurts.

All BS. So much BS. Fear buried in excuses.

But I've grown up though I don't know when that happened. I don't know when I changed but somehow I just did.

So I picked, "Change Somebody's Life" and now on Saturday, I go for the testing for the Bone Marrow thing.

Yesterday, someone changed my life because of an email they sent me. So yes, you can do the smallest of things to change someone's life. Do not let this post be an indictment of the little things. For they are awesome.

But this thing... this is the thing, I just had to do.

Of course, it always means so much when you repost this to Facebook or Twitter. Organ donation is a big passion of mine and my family and you never know who it might help. Thanks so much :)

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Adventure Bowl
Change Somebody's Life

TODAY'S ADVENTURE BOWL HELP!

UPDATE, PT. 3: Super giggly and excited to write today's post. It will be up in a bit.

UPDATE: Okay, I did it... there's part of it I still have to do Saturday but I will write all about it TOMORROW. I'm really psyched and really tired but this ONE HAS BEEN MY FAVORITE!!!


UPDATE: I cannot believe the amazing, caring, sweet suggestions people have put here, Facebook & Twitter! I am zeroing in on something pretty big... but weighing a lot of things so please Tweet or post on your Facebook and let's get people inspired to help others!

I picked "Change Somebody's Life." The deal is... I'm supposed to do whatever I pick, that day, TODAY, no backing out or excuses BUT this is a crazy tall order.

I WILL DO IT, I just want to do it right.

I'm like freaking out of nervousness but also excited at the same time!

Any suggestions?

I am on a budget so... keep that in mind! I'll check back in later, going to do some research.

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TODAY'S ADVENTURE BOWL
HELP!