Monday, January 7, 2008

Let's Talk About Sex

Let me set the scene. My mother and I are in the hospital waiting room before we go see my Grandmother. She says she has something she really wants to talk to me about.

Let me add that my mother has a Prayer Day for each of my family members and went to Church three times this week, once for Sunday, once for January 1, "The Feast of the Blessed Mother" and once January 6, "The Feast of the Epiphany." She is a GOOD GIRL. When she dies, she will be cannonized faster than Mother Theresa.

And... Action.

Mom: "I really want to talk to you about something."
Me: "Sure."
Mom: "I think I want a Vibrator."

Inner Dialogue: "Do Not Laugh. Do not laugh. Do not LAUGHHHHHHHHHHH."

Me: (tentatively) "Okay."
Mom: "And I would like you to help me pick one out."

INNER IMAGINATION: I pass out, I'm spayled face down on the waiting room floor. Nurse: "We've got a Code 51: Daughter down due to too much info about Mom's SEX LIFE! We need a crash cart and a time machine to erase the last five minutes of her life."

It's not over, folks. Mom has a CATALOGUE to show me.
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11 comments:

Surfergrrl said...

SHUT....UP! And how the hell did this conversation end? You mom is a total trip! :)

velcro said...

Yikes! Good luck with that. I will let you know if I find a time machine...

Two Date Diva said...

Holy shit! Well, my grandmother did ask if I'd ever had an orgasm once, but I blame that question on the beer she was drinking. Just think, now you have a very interesting conversation to hold over her head the next time she mentions your weight.

Mac said...

give her my email, I can recomend a few that would BLOW HER MIND!!

that's what good friends do!

AJ said...

ROFLMAO!!

I hope you pointed out a couple you'd like for your birthday. ;)

Melly said...

Hmm.. maybe our mothers should chat. :) Mine could certainly benefit from some "vibra-therapy"!

Loosen up, Ma!

Average Girl In Average World said...

OMG!!!! That is too funny. Atleast you know what to buy her for Christmas next year, or her B-Day whichever one comes first.!!!!!!

RadoMom said...

There's a couple hours of therapy for you....
= )

cl-pooh1972 said...

Oh my! I didn't know moms USED vibrators, or even knew they existed!

I think I need therapy now.

adventure grrl said...

Surfergrrl, it's funny because the original title for this was going to be "SHUT... UP!"

What's weird is, it happened to me and yet I still can't believe it either :)

Sara said...

holy crap!! that's all I can come up with.