Saturday, September 6, 2008

It's Very Important to Me That The Cashier At 7-11 Thinks I'm Going Out Dancing Tonight

This week has been a whirlwind. I had two big projects due on Friday, one at 3:00pm and one at 4:30pm and once they were done all I could think was, "I'm gonna get crazy tonight!"

Only, I didn't get crazy because on my way to get crazy, I locked my steering wheel and my car wouldn't work and all I could think of was, "Now you can't go anywhere and you're really going to regret not going grocery shopping this week and at least picking up toilet paper!"

I came back in the house and I was sure that there had to be some kind of celebratory liquid (i.e. alcohol) that I could get my mitts on. I found a bottle of organic wine that literally, literally could have filled... I don't know, something frickin' small... so small, I didn't even bother wasting a glass on it.

I just uncorked the bottle and took the smallest, saddest chug out of it that I could.

I probably could have gotten a bigger buzz off gargling with some Listerine.

I'm classy.

So then, I'm all about, "Saturday night! Saturday night will be awesome! I'll dress up, I'll wear mascara. I'll drink a fifteen dollar glass of wine before switching to domestic beer to save money for cab fare! I'm gonna get ripped!"

So classy.

But then all last night I'm all super amped and can't sleep and it might have something to do with having, like, a sextriplet espresso at Starbucks so I could power through the day and make all my deadlines and I actually barely drift off at 3:00am but my dog needs to go out at 5:00am (and I think after my last post you know I'm not taking any chances with him...)

So my super deep REM doesn't even come until after 5:30am but I wanna get back on schedule so I get up at a decent hour this morning only to be in a semi-conscious state all day.

And that's when, tonight, after treating myself to four "30 Rocks" back to back on my computer, I see that it's 6pm and I start thinking, "Can I just please go to bed now? Please."

Who would know?

I WOULD KNOW! I need to go out, I need to socialize, celebrate, wear something with non-elastic pants! I need my hair to be down, my eyes to be swathed in sparkle, I need to hear good music and laugh 'til I semi-snort.

Oh, but I'm so tired. So you know what I do?

I'm wicked hungry and I'm madly craving going to McDonalds and getting a kid's meal. That's what I do. Four chicken McNuggets, small fry and a lemonade. That's my Saturday night.

I'm kidding. That would be pathetic if that were my Saturday night.

Okay, that was totally my Saturday night.

And as I'm digging into my meal and I realize that they forgot to put bar-b-que sauce in with my meal (which let's face it - it's all about the bar-b-que sauce. The nuggets are just a mechanism to get the bar-b-que sauce into my mouth.)

So then I'm like, "I'm totally writing a letter to McDonald's about how completely incompetent they are." But then it occurs to me that the only thing sadder than eating a Happy Meal on a Saturday night, is admitting that you ate a Happy Meal on a Saturday night.

"Let it go," I told myself. "You have so many YouTube videos to watch tonight."

Then THAT thought made me even sadder so I stopped at my 7-11 to pick up a bottle of wine and all of a sudden it became very important to me that the cashier think that this bottle of wine was a HUGE precursor to my night of dancing and debauchery.

"I'm just gonna have a few friends over tonight to have a little of this Shiraz and then we're gonna get CW-AZY!"

I didn't say that. Saying that is like admitting: "I'm really going home to drink this wine alone out of a coffee cup while I watch videos of cats play with rolls of toilet paper."

So instead, I did the thing where, as he's ringing up my wine, I'm scraping the price tag off the bottle, which we all know is code for: "I'm on my way to a party."

Do you think he bought it? I think he totally bought it.

This blog is dedicated to hamsters.


Rose said...

That is really inspiring! I wish I could just get up and walk away and do the things I've always wanted to do. But something is always hold me back. Fear. One day I hope to turn my back on it and just do.

You should go to Paris! Even if it's only for a few days. I actually went there by myself not knowing the language and it was amazing. One of my favorite places I went to.

kelbel927 said...

This isnt really related to this blog post, but I noticed you commented on my blog and I thought I'd stop by to say hi! I'm glad you found my post to be inspiring and that it may have helped you to recommit. If you read the post I added today, you'll see that those goals did help me get back on track. I hope things are going well for you this week!

Tw!nkleTw!nkle said...

I love what u said about "im listening to whatever is meant to be heard". that really touched me somewhere, like a little skip in my heart.

i feel myself slowly becoming the person i want to be. its a great feeling. i havent been this, i wouldnt say happy just yet, but i havent been this CONTENT with myself and my life in such a long time. i finally feel like im listening to myself and the world. i see signs everywhere.

maybe u can post a blog sometime about seeing signs that tell u things, id be interested to hear what others have to say about that.


Anonymous said...

This was a very inspiring post although I am living the life of the office assistant right now. It's not forever though.

Paris is amazing.

I'm still kind of freaked out by your former boss finding your blog. Such dangerous lives we lead as bloggers! :)

Michelle J said...

Wonderful AG!! Your living the life that was meant for you!!! Be the change dude!!!

Paris, sure lets go!!! :O)

I am very happy for you and for your cousin Matt too!! What is the name of his band, maybe i will look him up!!!


Poppy said...

I love your blog so much. It's so good to see people that go through really hard times, come out the other side.

Two Date Diva said...

I'm listening too! It ain't as easy as it sounds, but it can be a lot of fun! And.. it's okay to cry because you're happy for someone. It just makes you that much more special.

Andrea said...

Well said! Your cousin Matt sounds like a great guy.

Emily said...

This is so inspiring to me. I come and read your blog whenever I feel like crap or I'm crying or whatever. Lately I've been realizing how selfish I am and how bad I feel for it and how it affects everyone and I just can't stop crying, but whenever I come on here I think about how you had to deal with something so much worse and I'm not even dealing with anything compared to you. You really do help me feel a lot better, even though you didn't know until now. I really appreciate it.

RadoMom said...

Every girl should see Paris. Especially while she's single, it's inspiring...

adventure grrl said...

Awww, ladies, you make me feel so special! Thanks for all the sweet comments - I think I will know, to a degree, that I'm fully cured (although I know all this is a journey) is if I chuck all my fears and go on a Big Girl Vacation.

Believe me, you'll all be the first to know!

Emily, your comments esp. touched me, thanks.

You might notice, I took that post down, sometimes I feel a little weird about blogging about close family members - using their names, ya know, they need their space. I have the coolest cousin, but still...

Anonymous said...

sounds an awful lot like my saturday night! (except I was also avoiding writing my dissertation. no social life and no dissertation to show for it.).
i think your code probably would have worked perfectly if the cashier had been paying attention.
i have frequently had similar dilemmas (no mr cashier, i'm not buying this tub of icecream and bottle of wine just for me tonight...)and have recently come to the conclusion that if you put five packs of condoms, a bottle of vodka and some redbull in your basket, you would get the same blank stare from the cashier.

Anonymous said...

your Saturday night sounds like mine. LOL.

I watched movies, drank some Pinot Noir and played with the dog. In bed by 10pm. I"m crazy!

Tw!nkleTw!nkle said...

Im so glad that hamsters around the world got a shout out today from ur blog :)

hehe my u have some self control to have a kids meal. um i have a dollar-menu-meal. i can seriously spend about 6 bucks at one dollar menu session. which is y i dont let myself go to mcdonalds anymore haha!

to make u feel better do u know what i have been doing with my saturday nights? for the last uhhh 6 months? ive been staying home, doing homework or watching tv (i watched the entire 2 seasons of LA Ink on my computer...after i watched all the seasons of sex and the city and that was AFTER i watched season 1 of gossip girl in its entirety...) i havent been drunk since early 2007... and im sorta just realizing that im an enormous loser. lol! keep writing blogs so i have something to DO with my life around saturday night...


Anonymous said...

You are one classy lady and I think we should be best friends ahha.

and for the record...

He TOTALLY bought it.

Nancy said...

Hey, if the cashier thought you went out dancing, maybe you really did, you just don't remember because it was so crazy!

Leah J. Utas said...

Adventure Grrl - Your words pique my interest. Thanks for the visit to my blog. I intend on stopping by yours again and again.

Jill said...

Hey there!! I came by your blog because you stopped by mine and can I just tell you? You're my new favorite. I LOVE reading a well written blog post and esp one that makes me laugh!!

I will be back (that sound rather ominous, no?). =)

Rachel said...

Sounds like my Saturday nights--except I rarely leave the house! There have been nights before where I wanted to go get something to eat, but then I'd think about how I'd have to get in the car, drive to go get it... So I wind up being hungry or eating a bowl of cereal or something. *That's* classy! ;)

PS Thanks for your comment! You have a mighty fine blog here, yourself!

debby said...

Okay, I don't drink, but that is so totally funny that you got a snort-guffaw out of me (and I am at work.)

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Rose said...

I do that to! If I want to pig out on junk food or bottle of wine I try to think to do something so that the cashier won't think I'm a sad loser. Seriously I once went as far as talking on the phone to someone about the "party". I am so LAME.

RadoMom said...

In regards to peeling the price tag off the wine so they think you have something to do...
I. have. done. the. EXACT. same. thing!!!!
They might be on to us.

In regards to my saturday night,
My husband was out of town. I couldn't have been more excited about our free HBO weekend on cable. That's it. I was asleep by 9:45. Not that it would have been anything different if he WAS home this weekend!

Sara said...

This is SO funny. I could have written this word for word. I think you climbed right inside my brain with this blog.

and it IS all about the barbeque sauce. Random fact: McDonalds barbeque sauce in Canada is totally different than the US McDonalds barbeque sauce. I should mail you some to find out.