I Like You

You guys are awesome. First of all there are so many new readers and that just blows my mind. I'm spending tonight & tomorrow getting back to everyone who commented on posts because it means the world to me that you do.

My whole life, I have been taught to never say when I'm sad, afraid, nervous... are nervous and afraid the same thing? Through my Dad's heart transplant, my cousins deaths, when I donated my kidney to my Dad - I was told, "never let anyone see you cry," "don't let people be burdened with your emotion, it will make them feel bad."

So this blog is like major rebellion for a good girl like me. And the fact that people read it and say they're inspired by it-- Amaze-mas. Yeah, new word I made up. Like when something is as amazing as Christmas is to a five year old. Amaze-mas.

I have to make jokes when I am talking about emotional things.

I'm working on it.

Anyway, yes, this is a short post so I can get back to all of you. In the meantime, I wanted to show some mad love for people who took the time to comment, and who either made me have to reach for a box of Kleenex, or made me laugh so hard Folgers coffee came out of my nose.

I heart you all. Okay, love. I do, I love you guys.

Aubrey said... I love you. Can I say I love you or is that a little creepy? Like, weird internet stalker creepy or weird random person in the street that comes up and hugs you creepy? Oh well. I guess I'm creepy then.

Lia said... That is the most beautiful post I've ever read. I found you on Twitter and I just get everything you are saying. I'm so glad I found this blog. I feel like you are speaking to me.

Lynda with a Y said... Seriously? I think I have a girl crush on you. Anyone who has been sucked in by the beast that is depression--well let me just say--your blog is a tiny little miracle. Thanks.

simone said... oooo brave brave brave! and bravo to you. I am standing at the foot of a bridge wondering if I should walk around and cross it, thanks for this timely post on being happy. xxoo

hope n laughter said... 1. Keep writing, I've missed your post and I'm glad that your still kickin' and screamin'. 2. You write what I'm thinking, but in a much more intresting way. 3. Feel that you and the Eat, Pray, Love are the same, except with you I get to experince your journey with you.

Kristen said... You.Are.Awesome.

Jennifer H said... Brillant. Beautiful. I would love to post this link on my blog! I have just hit a wall I have never hit before...and you sum it up all very well. And have given me hope. I can feel something inside, the childlike wonder of life of me, stir in excitement, instead of just seeing the the overbearing responsibilities I feel. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Krista said... I'm in awe right now. It's taken me 24 hrs to respond and it's still not going to make sense. I can't believe i'm not alone. There are others at the bottom of this miserable, painful, dark, pit. And there is hope to see light again. Thank you God for allowing me to find your blog last while driving home during a 17 hr trip. Somewhere near Buffalo,I found a friend in the darkness.

Okay... where is that Kleenex box???? You guys are the best. You have no idea... your comments are changing my life because they inspire me to keep me moving forward. So thank you. Really, thank you. xoxoxoxo

PS... If you're a New New reader there are a few posts will be helpful if you want to know the inspiration for writing this blog go back and read You Can Get To The Other Side - June 20, 2010; Some Stuff About Me - June 27, 2010 and Adventure Bowl: Let's Kick Ass & Takes Names Later - June 23, 2010.

Also, feel free to follow me as I am a naughty naughty infrequent bad girl poster. xoxoxo And if you join my Facebook page we can have ACTUAL CONVERSATIONS. Oh, those are the best!

I Like You

Adventure Bowl We Want To Be Rock Stars!

Okay, this might not go down as one of the most hilarious posts ever. Why? I got a little tipsy at our weekly "Project Runway" party last night. How do you know when you've had too much wine? When you wake up the next morning and you want macaroni and cheese for breakfast. Here goes!

Most of the adventures I've done have required little to no money but all have had the same goal... to be spontaneous, to have fun and to shake up life a little bit.

The Adventure to spend an obscene amount on concert tickets was one I was psyched I picked because music is a huge part of my life and I love going to live shows. But it was one of the first things to go out the window when life started coming down all around me.

But to spend an obscene amount? That's just not me. I'm really conservative about money, a safe spender. What is obscene, anyway? I've trolled eBay and craigslist and have seen great seats at concerts go for $500, $800, $1,000 dollars. A month's rent for one night? I don't know if it's in my genetic make-up.

Then I wondered, if it was all over tomorrow - wouldn't I have wished I had the night of my life?

In a story that's fantastic in the way it turned out but would be boring in the telling - I won tickets to see Dave Matthews at the Staples Center, floor seats, VIP passes and meet and greet for $300 bucks.

It goes something like this: At a charity auction, plied with free wine, want to bid on tickets, hear they went for $1200 last year, drink more free wine to console myself that I will never ever bid that much so therefore, I will not win, woman in charge doesn't put the tickets up at the live auction (apparently she drank more free wine than me and forgot), I ran into the back room and begged to have the tickets at their base price and I was the winner.

Yay!

Then I sobered up the next day and pondered putting them on eBay. I spent $300?! On concert tickets?! That's 1/2 a computer. It's gas money for 2 months. It's a plane ticket home. It's groceries for the month... if I buy steak! (I really should start eating more steak.)

Then I gave myself this pep talk: "Stop being so practical. You're always so practical. Do you want your obituary to read, "She was always so practical." NO!

So I went. And I took my one of my closet friends and completely obsessed DMB fan, with me. How obsessed? She lamented not being professionally fitted for a bra on the way to the meet and greet.

She loves their music and wanted to make a very boob-a-licious impression.

When we got to the concert, we felt such an amazing rush just being outside, never mind when we got our laminated VIP passes. First stop, VIP bar where we took part in many free beverages. Then we found out there may be a VIP VIP bar with dinner service and we wanted in on that action.

My friend M, grabbed my arm and followed this woman who looked very VIP VIP. She traveled through some secret passageway from the first VIP area into the next. That's when we found ourselves smack in the middle of this huge buffet area.

Pork loin, anyone?

M went for desserts and I loaded up with shrimp alfredo. (Hey, after four (five) VIP beers, this seemed like a good idea). That's when a woman said to me, "You don't get much for what you pay for."

Pay for? You have to pay for this?

Seems we were only in a VIP VIP area in our dreams. We had entered a service entrance to the buffet, bypassing the hostess stand where people were lining up to get to the buffet and then sit down to eat. So here we were glad-handling what we thought was free food.

And it was not. Which, once we had confiscated my stolen goods onto an adjoining patio, just made it all the more enjoyable. Had I paid $50 for shrimp alfredo I would have been so mad!

The concert was amazing. We were in the 22nd Row and for the encore, I snuck up to the 5th Row. It was mesmerizing to be up that close. The concert had a deeper meaning because the band had found out just hours before that a founding member, their sax player, had died that day.

Maybe it was all the VIP beers, or maybe it was Dave dedicating songs to their band mate who has passed away but it was really emotional. It all seemed to come to a head when he sang "Sister" which has been sometimes theorized to be about his murdered sister and other times about his surviving sister who helped him through it...

"Think about another day
Wishing I was far away
Wherever I dreamed I was
You were there with me"

That's it. That's when the tears came. Because, I couldn't believe after such a tragedy, that they could play that night. And bigger than that, that the lead singer could have ever gone on, after the death of his sister.

It made me think so much of my cousin and how much I felt and wondered if I could ever do the same after we lost him. But seeing the band, I don't know, it just made me think, that's what you do... you just do it.

You go on.

And you do it for them.

Because they would want you to. Because it's more of a way of honoring them then getting under the covers and hiding ever would be. Because a life lived any other way, than the best way it could, would be such a waste.

And as I got more teary at "Bartender" and as I danced crazily to "Everyday," I thought, that's a lesson that's worth way more than $300 dollars.



This blog is dedicated to someone special.

Adventure Bowl
We Want To Be Rock Stars!